


Say Something

by laykay



Category: The Young and the Restless
Genre: Car Accident, F/F, Memory Loss, lots of hurt comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:08:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 22,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26025475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laykay/pseuds/laykay
Summary: After Tessa and Mariah get into an accident, Tessa forgets the last few years, including Mariah.
Relationships: Mariah Copeland/Tessa Porter
Comments: 81
Kudos: 111





	1. Chapter 1

Tessa glanced at Mariah, smiling as she sang along with radio as she drove. “What?” Mariah asked, catching Tessa’s eye.

Tessa shook her head, her attention on the road in front of her. “I like it when you sing.”

“I like the song,” Mariah said with a shrug, turning the radio down and turning her head to look out her window.

Tessa laughed. “You know I think you have a great voice. I am a little jealous though, it’s not even one of my songs.”

“I sing your songs all the time. Just not when you can hear me.”

“Well, now I want to set up one of those nanny cams so I can see what you’re doing when I’m not home.” Tessa laughed again but her smile quickly dropped when she looked through the rearview mirror. “What the hell? This dude is on my ass.”

Mariah turned in her seat to look at the car trailing them, shaking her head as she faced forward. They both jumped when a horn blew behind them. “Jesus. Just let them pass.”

Tessa slowed and pulled over to the shoulder of the road, waving her hand as the other car blew past them. “Someone’s in a hurry. Anyway, when we get home, I expect to hear this singing you’ve been hiding from me.”

“I haven’t been hiding it. You’ve heard me sing, I just don’t like to do it in front of you often because well… you’re you.”

“You’re right, I’d get paranoid because you’re so amazing and make me want to quit music.”

“More like I’d ruin music for you.”

“You’d never ruin anything for me.”

“Sure,” Mariah said with a chuckle.

Tessa turned the volume of the radio back up, then glanced down to adjust the channel as they reached a straight away. Mariah looked out towards the road, her mouth falling open when she saw the car that had been tailing them rolled over in the middle of the road.

“Tessa.”

“What?” Tessa asked, barely glancing up. She straightened quickly when she saw the wreck, slamming the breaks of their car, causing it to skid into the other car. 

They both jolted forward in their seats, Mariah’s head hit the side window as her airbag pushed her back. She coughed and lifted her hand to her head, pulling it down to see her palm full of blood. “Are you okay?” she asked. “Tessa?” she said when there was no answer. She turned her head to look at her girlfriend, who was slumped over in the seat next to her.

\-------

Mariah sat in the waiting room of the hospital, hands covering her mouth, her head still bleeding with blood now trickling down her cheek and staining her shirt.

“Mariah!” She barely moved when she heard her name, only looking up when she was called a second time. Sharon pulled her daughter into a hug, Mariah only managed to lift one hand to touch her arm before Sharon sat next to her. “What happened? Are you okay? Your head…”

Mariah shook her head. “I’m fine.”

“You’re bleeding.” Sharon put a hand against Mariah’s chin, turning her head so she could get a better look at the cut.

“I’m fine,” she said again. “They said it would only be a couple stitches so…”

“A couple stitches is still stiches. Where’s Tessa?” she finally asked.

Mariah shook her head again, this time tears sprang up in her eyes. “She… she's in bad shape, she hasn’t woken up. They won’t let me see her yet.”

Sharon put her arm around her. “All I could think about when I heard about the accident, was that history was repeating itself. I thought I might lose you the same way I lost Cassie.”

Mariah flinched at the mention of the sister she’d never met. “It's just a bump on the head. I'm fine. Tessa's the one who..." she started but shook her head. "This isn't like what happened to Cassie. No one's dead. No one's dying."

“No, honey, no one’s dying.” She held her a bit tighter, kissing the side of her head quickly. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

\-------

Mariah stood in the doorway of Tessa’s room, the sight of the girlfriend laying completely still in a hospital bed, tubes and wires coming from different places on her body, overwhelming her for a moment. Tessa had a thick white bandage wrapping her head and her left arm in a sling, Mariah wondered how many more injuries she had that she couldn’t see but quickly shook the thought from her head.

She lifted her hand to touch her own head, a large bandage now covered the right side of her forehead. She’d cleaned the blood from her face but still wore the blood-stained shirt. Taking a deep breath, she slowly walked towards Tessa’s bed. She touched her cheek, managing a smile at the familiar warmness.

She sat in the chair next to the bed, sliding her hand into Tessa’s uninjured hand. She carefully lifted her hand, despite the IV in the back of her hand and heart monitor on her finger, kissing it quickly. “I’m here. I’m not leaving you,” she promised softly. “No matter what.”

Mariah managed to close her eyes briefly, her head on the bed next to Tessa, jumping when she felt a slight movement. “Tessa?” she asked, lifting her head slowly. “Tess, can you hear me?” Tessa groaned softly. “Come on, you’re okay,” she told her, squeezing her hand. “I’m right here. You’re okay. Just open your eyes. Please open your eyes.”

“What happened?” Tessa mumbled, her eyes still closed.

Mariah let out a quick, relieved laugh. “You’re okay,” she told her again. “There was an accident, but you’re okay. We’re both okay.” She reached up to touch her cheek, Tessa opened her eyes slowly to look at her. “Hi,” she whispered, smiling widely. She quickly rose out of her seat to kiss her, when Tessa didn’t kiss her back and pulled back as much as she could, Mariah’s eyes scanned her body, wondering what she’d done. “I’m sorry,” she said, one hand moving to run her fingers through her hair. “Did I hurt you? I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m just so happy to see you.”

Tessa didn’t say anything for a moment, shaking her head as Mariah spoke. “Who are you?” she finally asked, her voice weak.

Mariah stared at her then laughed as she sat. “Okay, that’s not funny but at least you still have your sense of humor.” Tessa shook her head slightly, Mariah’s breath caught in her throat and her hand fell away from Tessa’s hair. “No, you’re joking. You have to be joking. You know my name, tell me my name.”

Tessa shook her head again.


	2. Chapter 2

Mariah looked up from the table where she sat in Society as Kyle put a drink down in front of her. “What’s this?”

“Whiskey,” he told her as he sat across from her. “You look like you need it. Wait, you’re allowed to drink with that, right?” he asked, motioning to space on his own forehead where Mariah’s was bandaged.

She shrugged. “I’m not on any pain killers or anything.” She took a sip of the dark liquor, coughing as it burned in her throat. “I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do about Tessa. It took us so long to get to where we are, everything we went through, it’s all gone for her. How am I supposed to look at her and see the woman I love, my best friend, but when she looks at me, she sees a stranger?” She let out a breath, pushing her hair back with one hand. “What would you do if this happened to Summer?”

Kyle shrugged, shaking his head. “Do whatever I could to help her remember, I guess. If she didn’t, then I’d hope that eventually she’d fall back in love me on her own.”

“I don’t know if I can deal with hopefully and eventually.”

“Then help her, be there for her. Do whatever you can. The doctors didn’t say anything about when or even if her memory would come back?”

Mariah shook her head. “They basically just said that concussions are tricky, so it’s just a waiting game to see what happens. I thought our days of waiting were over.”

“Well, I’ll help any way I can. Like a movie night under the stars.”

Mariah laughed. “You know we won’t fall for that a second time.”

“You won’t,” he said with a grin. “She might. Good news is, as far as she’s concerned, you have a clean slate.”

“I guess but I also don’t want to lie. I want her to know that no matter how many times something tried to push us apart, we always ended up back together and stronger.”

He nodded, taking a sip of his drink. “Then why are you sitting here telling me about it? Go tell her.”

\-------

Tessa looked towards the door of her hospital room when she heard a soft knock, seeing Mariah standing in the doorway. “Hey,” she said, her voice hoarse. “Sorry, blanking on the name.”

“Mariah,” she told her as she walked into the room.

“Right. Guess I’m gonna have to write that down somewhere.” She let out a breath. “Can I ask you a question?”

Mariah nodded as she sat in the chair near the bed.

“You kissed me.”

“That’s not a question,” Mariah said automatically, then shook her head quickly. “Sorry, you’ll get used to me soon. But, yeah, we’re dating. I know, it’s probably a surprise.”

“I’ve been coming to terms with it since I woke up,” she muttered, nodding her head slightly. “How long have we been…” she started but trailed off.

“Going on two years.”

Tessa let out a breath. “I guess I really missed a lot in the last few years, huh?”

“Yeah, you can say that. But I can help. I think there’s a couple years before I knew you but I can fill in some blanks, at least.”

“This probably isn’t what you want to hear, but there’s only one person I really care about right now and you probably don’t…”

“Crystal’s fine,” Mariah told her. “She’s in Canada, hiding, but she’s safe.”

Tessa nodded, looking relieved. “So you know her?” 

“You've told me enough that I feel like I know her. She’s fine, I promise. You were in charge of all the stuff with her, I’m not sure if it’s safe to visit. You can call her, at least. Any word on when they’re gonna let you go?” 

Tessa nodded, she shifted slightly and let out a pained groan. “Broken rib. Still hurts to move,” she muttered when Mariah’s eyes widened. “Apparently first I need a place to go and obviously my car isn’t an option right now so I guess they’re gonna send me to some rehab place.”

“Your car? No, you have a home, with me.” When Tessa raised her eyebrows, Mariah shrugged quickly, shaking her head. “If you don’t want to, I understand,” she added quickly. “I can get one of those air mattresses to sleep on.”

“No, you take your bed, I’ll sleep on the couch.”

Mariah laughed. “Actually, the bed is a pull-out couch but I wouldn’t let you sleep on a couch while you’re injured anyway. You need rest. Granted, our apartment isn’t the most quiet place but being in a familiar environment is supposed to help with the memory thing.”

“Nothing about anything is familiar to me right now.”

“Right,” Mariah muttered. “I meant familiar to you recently, before the accident. Also, all your stuff is there and it might trigger some memories. I can stay at my mom’s if you want space, I get that but being on your own might not be the best idea. Not that you can’t take care of yourself but you’re hurt and you shouldn’t…”

“Do you always talk this much?” Tessa interrupted, sounding exhausted.

Mariah shook her head. “I swear, I don’t. I just feel like I have so much to say to you.” She reached out to touch Tessa’s hand but quickly pulled her hand back. “Sorry. Habit. I’m just warning you, it’s gonna be really hard to not touch you all the time. I’ll sit on my hands or something. Like I said, I’ll sleep on an air mattress so you don’t have to worry about me getting into your space while you’re sleeping.”

Tessa closed her eyes, leaning back against her pillow. “You’re doing it again.”

“What? Oh, talking too much. Right, sorry.” She leaned forward, frowning as she looked at Tessa. “I’ll leave if you want me to.”

Tessa sighed softly. “It’s not personal. I’m just really tired.”

“Yeah, of course. Do you want me to come back tomorrow?” Mariah asked as she stood, Tessa nodded silently. “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow then.” She started to lean over to kiss Tessa but stopped herself and straightened up. “Nope. Sorry, can’t do that. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Tessa laughed softly. “Yeah, see you tomorrow.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Knock knock,” Mariah said as she walked into Tessa’s hospital room, carrying two notebooks, a bundle of pictures and a small duffle back. “I have some things for you, to help you remember.”

Tessa turned her head to look at her. “Hey. Great, just no pictures of ducks.”

Mariah raised an eyebrow as she crossed the room to sit next to the bed. “I don’t know what that means.”

“They’re having me identify different kinds of animals to make sure I can retain new information or something. Do you know how many different breeds of duck there are?”

Mariah laughed. “I don’t.”

“I do. There’s a lot. Mallard, Redhead, Long-tailed, Bufflehead…”

“Okay, okay. Got it. You don’t need to list them but I guess that’s a good thing that you can.”

“I don’t know, maybe they just like torturing me. So what’s all that?” she said, motioning to what Mariah was holding.

“Oh, um, our diaries,” she told her, holding up the notebooks. “I would have brought my computer or tablet so you could listen to some of your music but we both have head injuries and I think we’re supposed to stay away from screens for a while, so I went old school and got some pictures printed.”

“Wait, wait. Our diaries?” Tessa asked. “Have you read mine?”

“Yeah. Diaries are a thing with us, it’s a long story but it’s fine. These basically outline our whole relationship and yours has lyrics of some songs you wrote for me,” she said, putting the books on Tessa’s lap.

Tessa opened one then shook her head and closed it. “Why don’t we start with the pictures? My head hurts too bad to focus on reading right now.”

“Wait, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Had another scan this morning, came back clear. It’s just hard to read with a headache.”

“Okay, yeah. Good point. I didn’t think about that.” She reached to take the diaries away from Tessa, but Tessa put her hand on top of them.

“I will read them. I want to. I want to know about you, about us.”

Mariah nodded and handed the pictures to Tessa. “First picture, we were in San Francisco, where we had our first kiss.”

Tessa nodded, looking at the picture on top of the pile. “Who are the guys with their arms around us?” she asked.

“Oh, that’s Devon and that is my brother, Noah,” she told her, pointing to each of them.

Tessa looked at Noah, his arms around her waist from behind, chin resting on her shoulder. “We look… friendly.”

“Yeah, you were. You were dating him and I was with Devon when we kissed the first time. It’s all in my diary.”

“I guess I don’t need to ask why he hasn’t visited me then.”

“He moved to London.”

“Wow, I’ve never had a guy move to another continent to get away from me.” She glanced away from the picture to the duffle bag at Mariah’s feet. “Do I have to guess what’s in the bag?”

“Oh, no. Sorry.” She picked the bag up and unzipped it. “It’s just some clothes. T-shirts, sweatpants. Not that you don’t look great in the hospital gown but I figured you’d at least need clothes to come home in. Any word on when that’ll be?”

Tessa sighed. “Hopefully soon. I know all of my ducks.”

“Now you just have to get them in a row and hope they don’t attack each other.”

Tessa smiled. “What?”

“It was a joke. Never mind.”

“Oh, right.” Tessa nodded, letting out a short laugh. “Funny.”

Mariah rolled her eyes. “Shut up.”

Tessa laughed again, leaning against her pillow. “Is this what we used to be like? Talking like this?”

“Well, my jokes aren’t normally that lame but yeah, sometimes. It wasn’t always easy but it was always amazing. You and me, we were like two pieces of a puzzle. Like magnets, something would try to pull us apart but we’d always come back together.”

“Good, I don’t have anything super intense to live up to.”

Mariah shook her head, leaning forward slightly to look at her. “You’re still you, you’re just a few years behind. You’re still the amazing woman I fell in love with and the one who had me falling more in love every day.” Tessa sighed softly, closing her eyes. “Sorry if this is overwhelming.”

Tessa nodded. “A little bit. Like I said, a lot to live up to.”

“And like I said, you’re still you and I’m still in love with you. Maybe that scares you but this is me being honest, you deserve to know where I’m coming from. I just hope one day you’ll be in love with me too.”

\-------

Tessa woke up with a pained groan, turning slightly to see Mariah asleep in the chair next to her.

“Well, this is a change,” her nurse said as she walked into the room.

“What?”

The nurse motioned to Mariah as she took note of Tessa’s stats. “Your friend. She actually fell asleep.”

“What do you mean?”

“It seems like every time we come in here while you’re asleep, she’ll be sitting there.”

Tessa looked back at Mariah. “You mean she comes back?”

“You mean she leaves?” The nurse chuckled softly. “She left for a bit your first night here and she’ll leave for an hour or two sometimes but other than that, the furthest I’ve seen her go is to the waiting room. We should let her sleep, I think she needs it.”

Tessa nodded. “That’s fine. She can stay.”

“She must really care about you.”

“Yeah, she does,” Tessa said softly. 

“That’s good. You need someone like her on your side.”


	4. Chapter 4

Mariah groaned softly as woke up, sitting up straighter in the chair. She glanced quickly at Tessa, who had her eyes closed then pushed herself out of the chair and started to move silently towards the door.

“Are you trying to sneak out?”

Mariah jumped when she heard Tessa’s voice, turning quickly to look at her. “What? No. I came and saw you were asleep, so I figured I’d go get coffee.”

“Two things. First, I’ve been awake for a while so I know you were sitting here asleep. Second, my nurse told me you only pretend to leave.”

“Well, that’s not…” Mariah started but trailed off. “I really was going to get coffee.”

“You can go home, you know? I mean, I’m gonna be okay, you could leave if you want to.”

“I don’t want to.” She let out a breath, returning to her seat. “I don’t like being in the apartment without you. We tried it once before and… well, it didn’t work. It’s such a tiny apartment, like barely enough space for two people, like we’d get stuck in the kitchen if we were both in there at the same time because there’s just no room,” she said, laughing quickly. “But without you there it seems so huge and empty. I hate it.”

“So, do you hate the apartment or do you just hate being alone in it? Because you kind of told me I could stay there when I got out…”

“You’re getting out?” Mariah interrupted, smiling.

Tessa grinned. “My doctor came by while you were asleep, as long as I get through today without getting sick or passing out or something, I should be able to leave tomorrow.”

“Okay, way to bury the lead.”

“Well, sorry, but you wouldn’t stop talking. Again.”

Mariah laughed softly then shook her head. “God, I wish I could kiss you,” she muttered under her breath. 

Tessa bit her bottom lip then held her hand towards Mariah, who sniffled quickly and took her hand.

\-------

Mariah shuffled through the pictures in her lap, picking one up and holding it towards Tessa. “That’s your mom,” Tessa told her.

“Name?” Mariah prompted, not looking up.

“Sharon.”

“Good.” Mariah put the picture to the side then picked up another picture.

“Summer.”

“Abby,” Mariah corrected. “Please don’t mix them up in front of them. Actually, do. It’ll be fun to watch.”

“Do we have to do this?” Tessa asked with a sigh. “People will understand if I don’t know them immediately.”

Mariah held up another picture silently.

Tessa laughed. “That’s you.”

“Good, you know the important one.”

“I know the conceited one. I’m serious though, all of these people can’t possibly care that I don’t know them.”

“They do though. They all care about you, even love you. I’ve been getting texts from Phyllis asking for updates on you and I know that doesn’t mean much to you now but someday it will.” She held up another picture.

“I don’t know,” Tessa said, shaking her head.

“Yes, you do.” She sighed when Tessa shook her head silently. “It’s Faith. She’s one of the people you really do need to know, my little sister.”

“Okay, got it.” Tessa let out a breath as she turned to look at the ceiling. “Can we just take a break?”

“You need to know these people, Tess.”

“I think they’ll understand if I don’t.”

Mariah let out a breath and put the pictures on the table next to her. “Fine. You can remember twenty different kinds of duck, but God forbid you know the names of your friends and family.”

“They’re not my family.”

“Yes, they are. They’re my family, which makes them your family.” She leaned forward slightly to look at Tessa. “I know, right now you’re not used to having people actually care.”

“You have no idea.”

“I do though. It’s a long story but I wasn’t the best person when I first came to town either. There’s a lot I’m ashamed off and I had nobody who I could actually trust.”

Tessa almost laughed. “Sure.”

“I’m serious. A few years ago, I wasn’t used to people actually loving me and caring about me. I don’t know if I even thought it was possible.”

“But things changed.”

“Because of the people in those pictures. They loved me when I really didn’t deserve it.”

“It’s different though. Your mom is one of those people and you’re basically connected to everyone through her. I’m not.”

Mariah shook her head. “Trust me, Sharon had every reason to hate me, to send me away and tell me to never come back, but she’d never do that because she manages to always see the best in people. Like I said, my family is your family, Sharon’s basically your mom, she loves you and sees you as one of her daughters, and I’m pretty sure you’re Faith’s favorite sister. As her real sister, I am a little offended, but you’re so cool, I’d definitely choose you to be my big sister over me.”

Tessa laughed. “Thanks, I think.”

“One more picture?”

Tessa sighed softly. “Sure.”

Mariah sorted through the pictures until she found the one she wanted and handed it to Tessa, both of them with Sharon, Faith, Nick, and Rey the night before Sharon’s surgery. “This really is the important one. This is our family.”

“What are we all doing?” Tessa asked, spotting the different decorations in the background of the picture.

Mariah cleared her throat quickly. “She had cancer.”

Tessa’s eyes widened as she looked at Mariah. “Why are you always here with me? You should be with your mother. No matter how much you say she liked me, I’m taking you away from her…”

“Tessa. Tessa, stop,” Mariah interrupted, putting her hand against her arm. “Sharon had cancer,” she repeated slowly. “She’s been in remission for a couple months. She’s actually been concerned about you. I think this is actually giving her a distraction and taking everyone’s attention away from her for a while.”

Tessa let out a humorless laugh. “Well, glad I could help.”

“She’ll be the first to tell you how much you did help. You helped keep me sane, you were my rock. Now it’s my turn to be yours.”


	5. Chapter 5

“What are we doing?” Tessa asked as she walked towards Crimson Lights with Mariah. “I thought you were taking me home.”

“This is on the way,” Mariah told her. “I promised Sharon we’d drop in and say hi. She really wants to see you.”

Tessa nodded, glancing in the window of the coffee shop. “It looks closed.”

“Sharon’s here and I have keys.” Mariah pulled the key out of her purse, turning it in the lock then opening the door for Tessa. 

“Surprise,” the large crowd of people whispered as they walked in, a couple lights flipped on, Tessa saw the large banner that hung against the back wall reading WELCOME HOME, TESSA!

Mariah laughed. “Seriously? You guys needs to work on the volume.”

“Sweetie, she has a very serious head injury,” Sharon reminded Mariah as she walked over to them. “Soft lighting and no loud noises. It’s so good to see you, honey,” she said to Tessa, hugging her.

“Yeah, thanks,” Tessa muttered, hugging her back quickly. She glanced around the room full of faces she recognized only from pictures. “Can I talk to you?” she muttered to Mariah.

“Yeah, in a minute. People are excited to see you.”

“Mariah,” Tessa said, shaking her head.

“It’s okay,” she told her. “Come on.” She took her hand to lead her forward but Tessa pulled her hand free. 

“I… I can’t,” Tessa shook her head and turned to walk quickly out of the coffee shop.

Mariah glanced around the room and shook her head. “Sorry,” she mumbled before turning to follow Tessa outside, where she was sitting on the edge of the sidewalk. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”

Tessa shook her head. “I was about to walk home, then I realized I have no idea where to go.”

“Wait, why? What’s wrong?”

“I thought we were going home, not to a party.”

“This isn’t a party. People just wanted to see you and see that you’re okay. I told you, they care about you.”

“I don’t know any of them,” Tessa said, her voice breaking as she stood up, turning to face Mariah.

“Yes, you do.”

“No. No, I don’t. They know me. Or some future version of me. I don’t know them.”

“Well, that’s why they’re here,” Mariah muttered.

“Did you ever think that seeing that many people at once might be too much for me? I just got out of the hospital!”

Mariah’s mouth fell open as she shook her head. “I was just trying to…” she stammered.

“I know what you were trying to do,” Tessa said, closing her eyes and rubbing her forehead. “I just wanted to go home and relax.”

“Okay.” Mariah nodded. “We can go. Yeah, let’s go.”

“I don’t want you to disappoint your guests.”

“They aren’t my…” Mariah started but shook her head, glancing in through the window. She pulled her phone out of her purse and sent a text to Sharon: _Tessa can’t do this. Taking her home._ A moment later, the simple reply of _okay_ appeared on Mariah’s phone, she looked in the window again as lights came on inside. “Sharon’s on it. We can go.”

Tessa nodded and followed Mariah as they turned away from Crimson Lights.

\-----

Mariah and Tessa walked down the hallway of their apartment building, Mariah carrying Tessa’s bag from the hospital over her shoulder. “This is us,” she said as she stopped at the end of the hall to unlock their door. She opened it for Tessa, letting her step in first then closed the door behind them. “I’d give you the grand tour but, well, this is it,” she said, dropping Tessa’s bag near the couch. “Like I told you, the couch pulls out into our bed… the bed. Your bed,” she corrected herself, shaking her head. “And this is my bed.” She toed the inflatable mattress that was still in the box.

Tessa nodded silently and sat on the couch.

“Do you want something to eat?”

“Anything that’s not hospital food.”

Mariah walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge, frowning as she looked in. “When did we have Chinese?” she wondered out loud.

“Are you asking me?” Tessa asked with a quick laugh.

Mariah pulled the Chinese carton out and opened it to check the contents, then quickly holding it away from her face. “Okay, nope,” she muttered, tossing it into the trash then looked back in the refrigerator. “How do we only have cheese? I really need to go shopping.” She looked back at Tessa. “Want grilled cheese?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

Mariah looked at Tessa through the pass-through window as she stood at the stove. “Hey, um, your guitar’s over in the corner, if you want it. It always helped you clear your head.”

Tessa glanced into the corner of the apartment, where her guitar was on its stand. “Yeah, I can’t really play with a broken arm,” she said, raising her slinged arm best she could. “Besides, my head’s already pretty clear. That’s part of the problem.”

Mariah fell silent, looking down as she turned over the sandwiches then put them on plates when they were done. She carried them into the living room and sat next to Tessa, handing her one plate. “Sorry about that thing at Crimson Lights.”

Tessa shook her head. “It’s fine.”

“I didn’t think… yeah, I didn’t think. That’s all, I just didn’t think.”

“I just need time before I’m ready for… all that.”

“No, I know. I should have at least told you what was going on.”

“Well, then it wouldn’t have been a surprise.”

Mariah laughed quickly, shaking her head. “That matters, you know, because it went so well.”

“You tried,” Tessa said with a shrug. “Not a lot of people do that.”

\-----

“Mariah, are you awake?” Tessa whispered into the dark apartment when she heard the air mattress squeak against the floor. There was no response, Tessa sat up slightly and looked at Mariah, who was asleep on the floor in the tiny space next to the couch, a sheet twisted around her waist.

The air mattress squeaked again when Mariah shifted, letting out a tiny whine as she turned her face into the pillow. She moved again, rolling onto her back, her hand over her eyes. She let out a breath as her hand fell away, she saw Tessa watching her.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Tessa nodded. “You were squeaking."

Mariah blinked and sat up, looking down as the mattress squeaked again underneath her. “Oh.” She rolled herself onto the floor and stood up, going to the closet and getting another sheet, she put it on the floor then picked up the mattress, dropping it on top of the sheet. “That should help. Sorry, I’ll try not to move around so much and keep you up.”

“I can sleep on the floor,” Tessa offered. “You know, I can basically sleep anywhere.”

Mariah shook her head. “I’ll survive. Like I told you in the hospital, you need the rest. It’s fine, really.”

“So are you just gonna sleep on a pool toy forever?”

Mariah inhaled deeply. “I hope not,” she muttered.


	6. Chapter 6

“Are you sure you’re gonna be okay by yourself?” Mariah asked as she walked from the bathroom into the living room. “Sharon just needs a hand at Crimson Lights, she had a call off so they’re understaffed and…”

“I’ll be fine,” Tessa told her, looking up at her from the couch.

“It’s just gonna be for a few hours,” Mariah continued as if Tessa hadn’t spoken. “You have snacks and the tv remote and your computer, all within reaching distance.”

Tessa looked at the coffee table, loaded with potato chips, and nodded. “You know I can move, right? Like I can get myself a snack if I’m hungry. I broke my head, not my leg.”

Mariah shook her head. “My number’s in your phone,” she told her. “Call me if you need me, I can be home in ten minutes.”

“I’ll be fine, I’m a big girl.”

“Okay, well, I’d say I’ll call when I get a break but I don’t want to wake you up if you fall asleep.”

Tessa nodded. “Mariah, just go to work. I promise, I’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” Mariah said, nodded. “But if you need anything…”

“I will call, I promise. Just go.”

“Alright, but if I don’t answer for whatever reason, call Sharon.”

“Mariah, I promise you, I’m just gonna sit here and eat junk food. Will you leave now please?”

“Are you trying to get rid of me?”

Tessa chuckled. “Yes, because you’re hovering and you’re supposed to go help your mom. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay. I’ll see you later then,” Mariah said, picking up her bag before she opened the door. “Call me,” she said once more.

“Got it,” Tessa said before the door closed.

\------

“Hey, I didn’t expect for you to be here,” Nick said as he walked into Crimson Lights and saw Mariah behind the coffee bar. “Thought you’d be home taking care of Tessa. How’s she doing?”

“She’s fine. Or as good as she can be, I guess.” Mariah shook her head. “We needed some space, Sharon needed some help. Two birds, one stone.”

He frowned. “You okay?”

“We’ll be fine. You know, the little apartment is fun and romantic until you’re not really a couple. Now it’s kinda claustrophobic.” Mariah released a breath. “I mean, I’m happy that Tessa’s home. Really, I am. It’s just an adjustment.” She shook her head again. “Sorry, want your usual?” she asked, not waiting for him to answer before she started making his coffee.

“Why don’t you take a break, sit with me for a minute?”

Mariah glanced towards the door to see there were no customers coming in and nodded, stepping around the bar and following Nick to a table, putting the coffee in front of him then sitting across from him.

“You know, I’m sure Sharon would let you two stay with her if you need to, then you two wouldn’t be on top of each other.”

“I know.” Mariah nodded. “I’m just hoping that being in our apartment helps her. Besides, she’s already sick of me hovering. If it was me and Sharon, Tessa would probably end up locking herself in a room.”

“Well, are you okay? How’s your head?”

She touched the bandage on her forehead, shaking her head. “I honestly haven’t really thought about it much, but I’m okay.”

“I’m sure you’ve already heard this from Sharon, when we heard you were in an accident, we thought…”

“Cassie,” she finished for him. “Yeah, I know.”

He nodded. “You two are different people, I know. But I still see her when I look at you.” He let out a quick breath. “Even after we found out you were okay, things didn’t look good for Tessa at first. I thought if we lost her, we might lose you too.”

“I don’t know what I would have done,” Mariah admitted softly. “We’re fine though.” She let out a quick breath. “Heard a lot from Phyllis, actually. I mean, everyone was texting me but I wasn’t expected any from her, to be honest.”

“Yeah, well, you know Daniel was in the car with Cassie. Just bad memories all around, it was like history repeating itself. Plus, Kyle was pretty shaken up until he heard you were both okay, which made Summer upset.”

“You mean Summer wasn’t lighting candles and sitting vigil somewhere?”

“Summer cares. She has her own way of showing it, but she cares.”

\------

Mariah looked at Tessa as she walked into the apartment, the laptop was open on the couch next to her with a video pulled up but not playing. “Hey, what are you doing?”

“I um… I decided to Google myself. You know, just to see what came up and apparently we have a viral video you never told me about.”

“What are you…” Mariah started but Tessa put the laptop on the table, turning it so Mariah could see the screen and pressed play. Mariah watched herself approach Tessa on stage, begging her forgiveness. Tessa looked at Mariah, watching her watch the video then pressing the button to stop it when she’d walked off stage.

“I figured maybe we had fights, sometimes really bad fights. Everything you said about things trying to push us apart but it wasn’t the fights, was it? It was you.”

“That’s not the whole story. There was…”

“Are we broken up?” Tessa interrupted.

“What?”

“Are we broken up?” Tessa repeated. “Are you trying to trick me into being with you?”

“How would I trick you?”

“The memory loss was convenient,” Tessa said, nodding her head. “All you had to do was tell me how much we love each other and I’d have no choice but to believe it. For all I know, I could hate you.”

“We do love each other. We did. You did.” She shook her head. “I kissed you as soon as you woke up, remember? I had no idea you had amnesia, so why would I kiss you? Hell, why would we have been in that car together? You can ask anyone, we made up after that video was shot. Ask Tanner.”

Tessa rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “I saw myself with you on that stage, I looked… I was heartbroken and I almost didn’t believe it because I’ve never actually had a broken heart before.”

“I know,” Mariah whispered. “I didn’t want to tell you because it was so painful, for both of us.” She shook her head quickly. “What would I have gained from lying to you? I want you to get your memory back, what would have been the point in me pretending everything was fine with us if it wasn’t?”

“So what, you were just gonna lie to me about what you did for the rest of my life if I never get better?”

“I would have told you,” Mariah said softly. “Someday, I don’t know, when I thought you could handle hearing about it.”

“It’s not your choice to decide what I can and can’t handle hearing about my life.”

“No, I know. I know. I’m sorry. I’m trying to figure this out and I know I’m making every wrong step but I really am trying to help you,” Mariah told her as she sat on the couch next to her. “I don’t know how to do this. But I’m trying, Tess, I am.”

“What else are you hiding from me?”

“Nothing,” Mariah said instantly, Tessa looked at her doubtfully. “I’ve told you everything.” Tessa glanced towards the computer. “You know everything,” she corrected herself. 

“Why should I believe you?”

“Because I promised a long time ago that I’d never lie to you again. I know a lie by omission is still a lie but I really didn’t want to hurt you.”

Tessa took a deep breath. “I don’t know why it does, why it hurts. I thought I could trust you. I don’t know why but I felt like I could.”

“You can. I swear, you can. Tessa, I promised you that I’d make this up to you once, I’ll do it again.”

Tessa closed her eyes, leaning her head against the back of the couch. “You know, they say never Google yourself, I don’t think this is what they meant.”

“If I had thought for one second that this would be how you found out, I would have told you, I swear. Tessa, I am so sorry. I know I’ve been doing everything wrong. I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“Clearly,” Tessa muttered. “Neither do I.”

“Maybe if we help each other, we can figure it out. I’ll go out more, get outta your hair sometimes.”

Tessa released a breath. “It’s worth a shot. What have I got to lose?”


	7. Chapter 7

Tessa looked down at Mariah, who was asleep on her air mattress. “Mariah. Hey, Mariah.” When she didn’t move, Tessa kicked the mattress lightly.

“What?” Mariah muttered, her eyes still closed.

“I’m making breakfast, I don’t know what you like.”

She mumbled something incoherently and rolled over.

“Okay, so I’m just gonna fry up some fermented fish and Spam. We don’t have either of those things but we could probably get them.” 

“What?” Mariah asked again, not moving her face away from her pillow.

“I’m making breakfast,” she said again, a bit louder. “What do you want?”

Instead of answering, Mariah rolled off her mattress and shuffled to the bathroom, swinging the door shut behind her. 

“Okay, good talk.” Tessa heard the shower turn on, she turned to the refrigerator. 

Eventually Mariah walked out of the bathroom, wearing her pajamas and her hair wet. “What are you doing?”

“For the tenth time, I’m making breakfast. I mean, it’s frozen waffles. But still.” She shrugged.

Mariah glanced at the toaster. “How come?”

“I was awake and you weren’t. You’re finally sleeping through the night on that thing,” she told her, motioning vaguely to the living room. “I didn’t want to wake you up. I didn’t realize that wasn’t physically possible.”

“Yeah, I’m not exactly a morning person when I actually sleep.”

Tessa nodded. “Yeah, so I decided instead of being a lump on the couch, I’d actually do something around here and start being a good roommate.”

Mariah tried not to flinch at the word roommate then shook her head. “I really don’t mind taking care of things around here.”

“It’s been almost a week,” Tessa reminded her. “I figured whatever I can do with one hand, I might as well start doing before the couch actually attaches itself to my body. I know waffles aren’t much but…”

“No, it’s great.” Mariah let out a quick laugh. “Once we tried to make French toast and filled the apartment with smoke, then we spent the rest of the morning out on the fire escape wrapped in a blanket while the place aired out.”

“You know, I get more confused about us every day,” Tessa said softly. “You’re always talking about how happy we were but then I find out you cheated on me.”

“We were happy,” Mariah told her, closing her eyes briefly. “I was stupid. It was the worst mistake I ever made, right up there with not adjusting that damn radio for you while you were driving.”

Tessa looked up in surprise. “You never talk about the accident.”

“There isn’t much to talk about. One minute everything’s fine, we were talking, joking, and then you looked down for a second and the world collapsed. If I could change one thing about the past, I would have gotten the brakes checked on our car instead of meeting up with Lindsay.”

“That’s two things.”

“Nope, it’s one. The only thing I’m actually changing is what I was doing that day.”

“I don’t think that’s the way it works though.”

“Hey, my time travel fantasy, my rules.”

The waffles in the toaster popped, Mariah picked up both to put on plates then opened a cabinet and pulled out a jar of peanut butter, putting it in front of Tessa wordlessly before going to the refrigerator and getting the bottle of syrup. She turned around and stopped short when she saw Tessa staring at her.

“What?” Mariah asked, putting syrup on her waffle before returning the bottle to the fridge. “Don’t tell me you started eating your waffles differently in the last few years. I just always assumed that peanut butter waffles was carryover from your childhood, not a recent thing.”

Tessa shook her head, looking down at the peanut butter. “I’m just surprised that you know is all.”

“I think I can safely say I know you better than you know yourself,” she said as she got two knives and two forks out of the drawer and handed one of each to Tessa before she left the kitchen. 

Tessa followed a moment later after putting the peanut butter on her waffle and sat next to Mariah on the couch. “So explain something to me. How did this happen?” she asked, motioning between them.

Mariah smirked. “You didn’t read my diary, did you?”

“No, I did. I know the way things happened, I just don’t get it. I was never really a relationship person, if you know what I mean.”

“Oh, I know,” Mariah nodded. “Neither was I, really. It took us a really long time to get through all the trust issues we both had. There was enough baggage between us to fill Tanner’s private jet, then I think we figured out that we didn’t have to do everything by ourselves and the weight’s easier to carry when there’s someone else to balance it out. We balanced each other, in every way possible. When one of us was sinking, the other helped her swim.” She shook her head quickly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to get all sappy and metaphoric.”

Tessa shook her head. “Peanut butter waffles is a bad idea, I can't talk," she mumbled, her mouth full.

“I’ll get you something to drink,” Mariah said with a laugh, getting up from the couch and returning a moment later with a glass of water, handing it to Tessa.

“So you know everything about me, huh? All my baggage.” Tessa asked, clearing her throat after taking a drink.

“I’m sure there’s a few skeletons that you buried so deep no one would ever be able to find them, I have some too. But most things I do know. Everything in the last few years, all of the crazy, dangerous, sometimes illegal, stuff you did, I was nearby. I wasn’t always involved, you didn’t want me to be, but I was ready to jump in the fire after you.”

“More stuff you didn’t think I was ready to know?”

Mariah shook her head. “Honestly, stuff I forgot I had to tell you. It was so long ago and neither of us wanted to live with a cloud looming over us. We got to a point where the dust had settled and everyone was safe, so we moved past it.”

“I get that you probably don’t want to relive it but I need you to. I need to hear it,” Tessa told her, Mariah released a breath and nodded.


	8. Chapter 8

Mariah frowned as she glanced around the empty apartment after coming out of the bathroom. “Tessa? Tessa!” She rushed towards the door but paused as she passed the open window. She walked over and leaned out, finding Tessa sitting on the ladder of the fire escape. “There you are, you scared me. I see you found your favorite hiding spot.”

“You said we used to come out here, I figured I’d get some fresh air before I start going Rear Window on the neighbors.”

“Well, if you’re gonna people watch, out here would be the place to do it,” Mariah teased as Tessa looked out over the horizon of the town. “Anyway, I’m gonna go on coffee run, do you want anything?”

Tessa started to shake her head then looked at Mariah. “Actually, can I come with you?”

“You want to?”

“Don’t look so surprised,” Tessa chuckled when Mariah’s mouth fell open. “I can’t stay locked up in here forever, right?”

“Right. Of course. Yeah.” Mariah moved away from the window so Tessa could come back inside. 

“I should probably change first,” Tessa said, glancing down at her sweats.

“You look great,” Mariah told her with a smile then shook her head. “I’ll wait for you to get ready.”

Tessa crossed the room, pulling clothes out of the dresser quickly then went to the bathroom to change. Mariah looked after her, releasing a quick breath as she sat on the couch, pulling out her phone, selecting Sharon’s name in her contacts. “Hey, Mom,” she said, Sharon answering the call after one ring.

“What’s wrong?” Sharon asked without preamble. “Is it Tessa? Did she…”

“Tessa’s fine,” Mariah said, cutting her off. “She’s gonna come with me to Crimson Lights.”

“Really? Oh, honey, that’s amazing. Everyone missed her so much.”

“Are you there?”

“I will be.” Mariah could hear Sharon shuffling around as she started getting ready to leave her house.

“Mom. Mom, do not make a big deal out of this, okay?”

“It is a big deal, she should know people missed her and care about her.”

Mariah released a breath. “Yeah, I think she got that when I took her there after she got out of the hospital.”

“That wasn’t the best idea,” Sharon told her.

“You were in on it!”

“I know but you didn’t do a very good job executing it. I thought you would have least have given her a little bit of warning.”

Mariah rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I know, I know. I messed that up.” She looked up as Tessa walked out of the bathroom. “I gotta go,” she said quickly. “See you soon.” She hung up the phone and stood up. “Ready?”

Tessa shrugged. “I guess so.”

“If you want to leave, we can,” Mariah told her as she opened the door and followed Tessa into the hallway.

“How about we get there first?” Tessa said as Mariah locked the door. “Besides, this is my idea. I’ll be fine.”

\-------

“Why don’t you go sit, I’ll get us something to drink,” Mariah told Tessa as they walked into Crimson Lights.

“Sure, but please don’t get me tea,” Tessa begged as she walked to a table.

“You’re not allowed to have caffeine,” Mariah reminded her, turning around to face the bar, almost laughing when Sharon emerged from the back.

“I’ll take over, Lizzy,” she told the barista, who nodded and went to clear a table. “How is she?”

Mariah glanced over her shoulder to the table where Tessa was sitting. “Pretty good, actually. It was her idea to come here, which is a step.”

Sharon nodded. “A huge one. You go sit, I’ll bring you guys your regulars.”

“Oh, actually, her doctor said no caffeine. Something about her nervous system…”

“Got it. I know just the thing. Go sit,” she told her again.

“Thanks,” Mariah said softly before she turned and walked over to the table.

“Did you get me tea?” Tessa asked with a frown.

“Sharon is going to surprise you. Whatever she makes, you’ll like it, trust me.”

A moment later, Sharon came to their table carrying two coffee cups, putting one down in front of Mariah then handing Tessa hers. “I made you a caramel hazelnut latte.”

Mariah’s eyes widened. “Mom.”

“Decaf,” Sharon added, putting a hand on her daughter’s shoulder. “It’s so good to see you again, sweetie,” she said to Tessa as she pulled a third chair up to the table. “You have no idea how much we miss you around town.” 

“You’re right, I don’t,” Tessa muttered.

Sharon reached over to touch Tessa’s back carefully. “If you need anything, I mean anything, I’m here.”

Tessa nodded. “Thanks.”

Mariah looked up as Summer and Kyle stopped near the table. “Hey, stranger,” he said to Tessa.

Sharon glanced up at them then looked back at Tessa. “I’ll let you guys talk.”

“You don’t need to,” Summer said told Sharon as she stood. “We just saw you and decided to come say hi.”

“It’s fine,” Sharon said, touching Summer’s arm fondly. “You two say goodbye before you leave,” she said to Mariah and Tessa before she walked back to the front counter.

“Hi, Tessa,” Summer said in an overly sweet voice as she leaned slightly closer to her. “You probably don’t remember me, I’m Summer and this is Kyle,” she said, speaking slowly and a bit louder than normal.

Tessa’s eyes shifted to Summer then back to Mariah. “I know my excuse, what’s hers?” she whispered, making Mariah snort into her drink.

“Babe,” Kyle said, putting his hands on Summer’s shoulders to pull her back. “She has amnesia, she’s not an scared rabbit.” He kept his arm around her as she leaned against him. “How you doing, Tess?”

“Better, I guess.”

“Way better,” Mariah agreed. 

Kyle glanced between them and gave Summer’s shoulders a quick squeeze. “I’m gonna go get us something to drink. Mariah, wanna give me a hand?”

Mariah’s eyes narrowed at him. “I guess. Sure, that sounds like a two person job.” She shook her head as she stood up, following Kyle to the front. 

“So is she in love with you again yet?” he asked after he placed his order.

“Oh, is that the big secret you had to drag me away for?” Mariah laughed humorlessly the shook her head. “Not even close. I think the only reason she’s still putting up with me is because she can’t kick me out of the apartment.”

“If that was true, she wouldn’t be here hanging out with you.”

“She needed to get out of the house. I think if she thought I’d let her, she’d be out by herself right now.”

“Would you?” he asked.

“No,” she responded immediately. “She doesn’t know where anything is.”

“She was new in town once, so were you, you both found your way around just fine.”

“This is different though. If something happened to her…” she trailed off, shaking her head.

“I know,” he said softly. “She’s fine though. Look at her.”

Mariah glanced over her shoulder to where Summer was now sitting across from Tessa. “Are they… talking?"

Kyle grinned as his and Summer’s drinks came. “Maybe something good will come out of this after all and our girlfriends will become friends.”

“How dare you threaten me like that,” Mariah said with a smile.

“Should we move to a bigger table?” Kyle asked as they returned to the table.

Summer shook her head as she stood, leaving the chair out for Mariah. “Let’s give them some privacy, so we can have some too,” she told him before she led him to the back patio.

“What was that about?” Mariah asked as she sat. 

“She asked if I was okay, she asked if you were okay, then she told me about how awesome I was with Faith when your mom was sick. She basically said the same thing you did while I was in the hospital, about how I’m her favorite sister, only she didn’t call me her sister.”

“You were amazing,” Mariah told her. “You made sure she got to school and back, gave her guitar lessons to help keep her busy, helped with her homework.”

“I helped with homework?” Tessa shook her head. “Poor kid. We also talked about you a little bit.”

“Me? Do I even want to know?”

Tessa shrugged. “About you and your mom, she figured I might not know, if you don’t want to talk about it. She said that she’s jealous of how close you are with Faith, but I don’t know if I was supposed to tell you that. And um… she asked me not to run away.”

“Was that a plan?”

Tessa let out a quick chuckle. “Where would I go?”

“Right,” Mariah said with a sigh, looking down at her coffee.

“I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I mean, I don’t have anywhere else to go but why I leave the one person I know who actually cares about what happens to me?”

“I keep telling you, you have more than me.”

Tessa nodded once. “And they’re here, right? I might not remember it, but I have a life here. So like I said, where else would I go?”


	9. Chapter 9

Mariah groaned softly when she was woken up by screaming, she rolled over so her face was in her pillow. “Tessa, turn the tv down,” she muttered.

It didn’t stop, then she heard Tessa cry, “get away from me.”

“Tessa?” She sat up, looking at Tessa as she fought off an invisible person, her eyes closed. “Tessa, it’s a dream. You’re dreaming.” She climbed onto the bed next to her. “Tessa, wake up.” 

Her eyes finally sprang open, she sat up, looking around frantically. “He’s… he was…”

“It’s okay. No one’s here. It’s just me,” she said gently, brushing some of Tessa’s hair away from her face. “What happened?”

Tessa shook her head then hugged Mariah tightly, Mariah hesitated then hugged her back.

“It’s okay,” she said softly. “I’m here. It’s okay.”

Tessa shook her head and gripped her a bit tighter, her face against her neck.

"Do you want to talk about it?” Mariah asked once Tessa calmed down.

Tessa exhaled a shaky breath. “It was so real. I was at Crimson Lights, by myself and this guy came in, started throwing me around. I don’t even know…”

Mariah’s mouth fell open, she shook her head slightly then got off the bed. “I’m calling your doctor.”

“What?” Tessa asked as Mariah looked for her phone. “Why?”

“Because that happened,” Mariah said, finding her phone in the kitchen. “I told you that you were attacked at by a guy you paid to help Crystal, that’s what happened. Maybe going there the other day triggered something.”

“If that’s the way it works, why isn’t this apartment making memories come back?” She shook her head. “It’s the middle of the night, no one’s gonna answer. Can you please just come back here?”

Mariah put her phone down. “What’s wrong?”

“This is gonna sound like I’m three years old but I don’t know if I can go back to sleep and I don’t want to just sit here alone.”

Mariah returned to sit next to her on the bed. “I’m not going anywhere,” she whispered as Tessa shifted closer to her.

\-------

Tessa leaned against the doorway of the kitchen, looking at Mariah standing at the stove. “You’re up early. What are you making?”

“Omelets. Figured we’d need something filling today, it’s a big day. I set an alarm, believe it or not, I wanted to make sure I called your doctor as soon as the office opens.”

Tessa sighed softly. “Yeah, don’t bother,” she muttered.

“Wait, what? We have to call, he’d want to know this.”

“Not if there’s nothing to know,” she said before turning out of the kitchen.

“Wait, Tessa, what are you…” Mariah shook her head, turning to stove off quickly before following Tessa back into the living room. “This isn’t nothing. It’s a big deal.”

“I think it was just a dream, a coincidence,” she said, sitting up on the mattress that was still open. “I can’t think of anything that happened before or after that and the details are already getting fuzzy. It’s kinda like how you forget a dream after you wake up, I can tell you what happened but I can’t picture it.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s nothing,” Mariah told her, sitting down next to her. “You remembered something.”

“It was just a flash. It wasn’t even solid memory I could hold onto, just a minute of me screaming. Besides, I might only think I remember what happened because you told me about it.”

Mariah reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind Tessa’s ear, her hand dropping when she turned her head to look at her. “Sorry.”

Tessa shook her head, letting out a quick laugh. “I keep hoping that one morning I’ll wake up and remember something… anything. And then I kind of do and it’s someone trying to kill me.”

Mariah closed her eyes briefly. “If that guy was trying to kill you, you’d be dead.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better,” Tessa muttered, leaning her head against the back of the couch and closing her eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“Just have a headache.”

“Okay, I’m definitely calling your doctor,” Mariah said, getting off the couch again.

“Sure, tell him the girl with a brain injury has a headache, he’ll be shocked. I’ll be fine. It’s not bad, I’m not nauseous, I’m not dizzy. I didn’t sleep well last night, it’s just a headache.”

Mariah let out a breath. “Why are you so against going to see your doctor? Situations like this are why you have one.”

“Because I don’t want to go to sit in a waiting room for an hour and a half before I even see anyone, then get a light shined in my eyes and play memory games, just to hear that nothing’s changed.”

“But…”

Tessa shook her head. “It’s not something I want to remember, it’s not something I want to celebrate knowing. You’re the one who said it left a cloud over us and when it was over, we moved past it. So let’s move past it again.”

“Okay,” Mariah said. “If that’s what you want. I’ll go finish breakfast.”

“I’m not really hungry.”

“Then I’ll put in it in the fridge for later.”

“If you want to eat…” Tessa started as Mariah walked back to the kitchen.

“I’m fine. Do you want to fold up the bed and watch a movie or something?” she asked after returning to the living room.

“Or we can just watch a movie.” When Mariah raised her eyebrows, Tessa patted the spot on the bed next to her.

“You’re sure?”

“What’s the difference if we’re watching a movie sitting up or laying down?”

Mariah nodded and sat up in the bed against the back of the couch. She picked up the remote, finding a horror movie on Hulu, Tessa’s mouth fell open.

“There’s a new Child’s Play movie? How have you been hiding this from me?” She put her hand on Mariah’s arm before she pressed play. “Please tell me they don’t ruin it.”

“It’s… not horrible,” she said, making Tessa groan. “You only screamed about Hollywood ruining everything for like an hour after we saw it, so I think you liked it.”


	10. Chapter 10

“You’ve left before without me, I’ll be fine,” Tessa told Mariah as she got ready for work.

“Yeah, but it wasn’t for the whole day and I’m probably not gonna be able to leave if something happens. It’s just clerical stuff for Devon but he needs the help, I need a job so…”

“Why do you always think something’s going to happen? Nothing is going to happen.”

“No, yeah. I know. I’m just…”

“Hey,” Tessa shook her head. “I’ll be fine. I’m always fine. I’ll call Sharon every hour and check in if you want me to.”

“No, she’s busy today,” Mariah muttered.

“What, did you ask her to babysit me or something?” she asked, rolling her eyes when Mariah looked at her silently. “Look, I know you worry about me but, seriously, you don’t need to. I think I’m just gonna go through the closet, if that’s okay.”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t that be okay?”

“I just didn’t want to get in your business.”

“Look at the size of this apartment, do you really think we both don’t know everything in that closet? We didn’t have secrets, whatever you find in there, you knew about before the accident.”

Tessa nodded. “I mostly just want to go through the boxes of stuff from the tour.”

“Sounds like a great idea.” Mariah checked her watch quickly. “I gotta go.”

“Have a good day,” Tessa told her as she walked to the door. “Don’t worry about me,” she added before Mariah closed the door behind her.

\------

Tessa carried a small cardboard box to the couch, putting it down next to her as she sat then opened the top. First she pulled out a small video camera, she checked for the memory card but found the slot empty so she put the camera down on the table. She found a hotel keycard, raising her eyebrows as she looked at the name of the hotel.

“Five stars,” she mumbled to herself. “Fancy.” She put the keycard on the table next to the camera and reached into the box once more, this time pulling out a flash drive. She picked up her computer and opened it on the table, plugging the flash drive in, raising her eyebrows when she saw a folder of video files open up. “You did say no secrets,” she muttered, clicking the first video.

Mariah was sitting on a private airplane, her legs folded underneath her as she read a book. She glanced up then shook her head. “I can’t believe I let you buy that camera.”

“We need it to capture memories,” Tessa told her from behind the camera. “That way we can look back on this when we’re old and grey, and we can remember back when we were hot. Not that you won’t always be hot.”

“Your phone has a camera,” Mariah told her, looking back at her book.

“Yeah, but my phone doesn’t have a 250x digital zoom with instant auto focus.”

“You don’t even know what that means,” Mariah said with a laugh. 

“I know it means I can see up your nose,” Tessa said, zooming the camera in tight on Mariah’s face until she raised her book to block herself.

The video ended, Tessa closed the window and selected the next one to play, they were in a hotel room. Tessa glanced quickly to the keycard before looking back to the screen. The video focused in on Mariah as she slept in the bed, her naked back to the camera, the sheet around her waist.

“Here we have the illusive Mariah in her natural habitat,” Tessa said from behind the camera in an exaggerated French accent. “We must approach carefully so as not to frighten her.” She inched closer to Mariah, then leaned over the bed so the camera was close to her face. “It is a beautiful specimen.”

Mariah’s eyes opened a bit, first looking at the camera then looking up where Tessa was. “What are you doing?”

Tessa laughed. “I couldn’t help it,” she said in her normal voice.

“Come back to bed.” She reached for Tessa, who turned the camera to face herself.

“I believe that may have been the Mariah’s mating call,” she said, using the French accent again, Mariah laughed before the video cut to black.

Tessa closed the video then opened the next one, this time Tessa was on the screen, asleep on the plane.

“Don’t let those VH1 specials fool you, kids,” Mariah said from behind the camera. “The life of a rock star is just a lot of napping between shows.”

Tessa opened her eyes and saw Mariah filming her, she put her hand over her face. “Don’t,” she whined.

“What? Are you the only one allowed to use the camera?”

“Yes. It’s my camera.”

“It’s our camera,” Mariah corrected.

Tessa turned her head away silently.

“Fine, be that way. Disappoint your millions of adoring fans.” 

“As long as you still adore me,” Tessa muttered.

“Always,” Mariah said before the video ended.

Tessa started the next video without hesitating, it was the smallest file size, this time it was her being filmed at a distance, smiling as she signed autographs and took pictures with fans. “I knew you’d want to see this for yourself. I’m so proud of you, baby,” Mariah said. “Nothing can ever take a moment like this away from you.”

Tessa blinked away tears as she closed that video, clicking the last file. 

Mariah and Tessa both appeared on screen, Tessa’s arm outstretched in front of them as she filmed, Mariah leaning back against her as they lounged on the bench seat in Tanner’s plane. “What are you doing?” Mariah asked, turning to hide her face in Tessa’s shoulder.

“I want to show the world how beautiful my girlfriend is,” Tessa said, kissing the side of Mariah’s head as she rubbed her back with her free hand.

“How about you show them how beautiful my girlfriend is?” Mariah responded, lifting her head enough to look at Tessa.

“But if I have the most beautiful girlfriend and you have the most beautiful girlfriend then…” Tessa started but was cut off when Mariah kissed her. “Agree to disagree.”

Mariah kissed her again. “I love you.”

“I love you more,” Tessa said, leaning her forehead against hers.

“Impossible. Turn the camera off,” Mariah whispered.

Tessa raised her eyebrows as Mariah kissed her once more then she smirked at the camera as Mariah kissed down her neck. “That’s all, folks.”

Tessa closed the video, releasing a breath as she leaned back on the couch.

\------

Mariah paused as she walked into the apartment, raising an eyebrow when she saw Tessa’s computer open. “Well, I know you didn’t find another viral video to get mad at me about.” She saw the video camera and smiled. “I haven’t seen that thing in months.”

“I found the videos too,” Tessa said, holding up the flash drive.

Mariah’s eyes widened. “The um… X-rated ones?”

“Strictly PG-13,” Tessa told her then raised her eyebrows. “Do those exist?”

Mariah bit her lip. “One or two. Don’t worry, we both promised they’d never see the light of day unless your career started tanking and you needed a scandal. At which point, we’d sell them for millions and ride the sex tape train all the way to our own reality show.” She shook her head, sitting on the couch next to her. “I’m kidding. Kind of.”

“About which part?”

“What do you think?” Mariah asked with a laugh. “You were big on posterity, said that we should always have something to look at when you’re on tour and we miss each other. Looking back now, I wish I had taped every single minute.” She looked at Tessa, who was watching her carefully. “What?”

“You still look at me the way you did in those videos.”

Mariah chuckled softly, her eyes fell away from Tessa. “I’ll always look at you like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just felt like throwing some happy past-Teriah in there...


	11. Chapter 11

Mariah paused as she walked out of the bathroom, towel drying her hair when she heard Tessa playing the keyboard. She put the towel over one shoulder and slowly walked into the living room, watching as Tessa stood at the keyboard set up on the back of the couch, playing with one hand.

She finally glanced up and saw Mariah. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you, I just wanted to play again and I can’t play guitar…” she trailed off, glancing down at her broken arm. “I can’t really play keyboard either, I guess.”

“No, it was great,” Mariah told her, shaking her head. “Can you play it again?” She listened as Tessa started playing the song again, Mariah smiled as she started singing along softly. “It’s out of reach, on the edge of disbelief, this feeling that you give to me and how I feel so safe.”

Tessa stopped playing to look up at her. “You know this?”

“I better, I’ve heard it enough. Even when you’re playing it with one hand, I’d recognize it anywhere. It’s yours. You remember the notes but not the lyrics?”

Tessa shrugged. “I wasn’t really trying to play anything, that just kinda happened.”

“Like your hands remember but your brain doesn’t.”

“I wish my brain would catch up,” Tessa mumbled, looking down at her keyboard.

“You’re doing great,” Mariah told her, sitting on the couch and turning to look at her. “And, you know, even if it never comes back, I’m always gonna be here.”

“Really?”

“Does that surprise you?” Mariah asked, frowning slightly.

“Kind of,” Tessa said with a quick shrug. “This is the first time I’ve ever heard you say that, that it might not come back.”

“I mean, obviously, I hope your memory does come back eventually but if it doesn’t then… we’ll create new memories. If that’s something you want to do,” she added quickly.

“What are you asking me?”

“Nothing,” Mariah said, shaking her head. “Nothing. Just saying… you know, you can always make new memories.”

“You said we.”

“What?”

“We. You said we’ll create new memories, not I could.”

“I just meant like a general we. You know, we… the people.”

“Really?” Tessa raised an eyebrow as she sat next to Mariah on the couch. “Cause it sounded like you were asking me out.”

“No,” Mariah said quickly, shaking her head. “But, just out of curiosity, what would the answer to that be?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted softly. “I mean, you’re lightyears ahead of me and I see the way you look at me, I saw the way I looked at you in those videos. It’s like it’s my future but your past and… I don’t know how we can make that work.”

“We start over,” Mariah told her. “Or I start over, I guess.”

“I do have a little bit of a head start on you on that one. Do you actually want to do that? Wouldn’t it be easier for you to just move on with someone else?”

“Not really.” Mariah almost laughed, shaking her head. “Trust me, I’ve tried to move on and forget how I feel about you. I couldn’t do it… we couldn’t do it. It was like gravity, no matter what we always got pulled back together.”

Tessa released a quick breath. “Guess there’s no fighting gravity, huh?”

“It’s not recommended, no.”

“I’m just not… I mean, I like hanging out with you and I do want to feel the way I felt in those videos but…”

“I know,” Mariah said softly. “I know you need time, that we need to take things slow. I know you have trust issues and walls built up and that being in a real relationship terrifies you, letting people see the real you scares you. I’ve already been through all that with you so nothing is gonna surprise me.”

“And you’re willing to go through it again?”

“If you’re willing to try, so am I.”

“Okay. So where do we start?”

Mariah laughed, shaking her head. “Before it just kind of grew and happened on its own. And Kyle helped, I guess, tricking us into going on our first date, but I know we would have gotten there ourselves eventually. He just gave us a little push."

“It Came from Beneath the Sea is a classic though, so at least he’s got good taste.”

“That’s true,” Mariah agreed then shook her head. “Wait, what did you just say?”

“I mean, I know it’s not Jaws but…”

“No. No, you remember the movie we watched?”

Tessa shook her head. “You told me. You must have told me.”

Mariah smiled. “All I told you was that he set up a movie night and it was an old sci-fi movie, I never said what it was.”

“You must have said something about the octopus or… or something.”

“I don’t think so and I don’t think either of our journals said what movie it was.” 

Tessa sighed. “Okay, so I remember the name of a movie. Big deal.”

“It is a big deal. We were just talking about you not…” Mariah trailed off, shaking her head. “But you do remember things, yeah it’s small but it’s something. You had that dream, you remembered what happened to you at Crimson Lights and I understand that’s not something you really wanted to remember, but you did.”

Tessa released a breath. “It’s been almost a month and so far, I remember getting the crap beaten out of me and the name of a movie. Yeah, that’s great,” she mumbled, shaking her head.

“I know it’s frustrating. Like you’re trying to put together this impossible jigsaw puzzle but all the pieces are missing.”

“Except two tiny little pieces that have no details and go somewhere in the middle.”

“So we keep those two tiny pieces safe until we can finish the puzzle.”

Tessa let out a quick laugh. “I always hated puzzles.”

“Me too,” Mariah said softly. “Maybe it’ll take years, maybe it’ll never get finished, but whatever pieces you find, I’m here to help you put them into place.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of this chapter is basically kind of a treatment for a music video for If You're Not Busy, so it might help if you listen to the song. I listened to it about 40 times while I wrote this chapter, it might be stuck in my head forever. Watch/listen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X01pUfUPAgk

Tessa let out a low groan as she woke up, sitting up to first look at the empty air mattress then glancing towards the kitchen. “Mariah?” she called, then noticed a flash drive on the table with a note folded underneath it. She picked up the flash drive then opened the note _Had to go to work, didn’t want to wake you. I made this for you. Hope you like it. - M_

Tessa glanced at the flash drive then sat up and got her computer, opening it on her lap and plugging the drive in. The only file was a video, titled _If You’re Not Busy_. She clicked the video, it started with her on the fire escape with her guitar as she played the opening notes, synced up with the studio version of her song, she recognized it from the video of Tanner’s concert, when he’d played it before Mariah came on stage. Tessa’s singing continued over the clips of them that made the music video.

The first clip was Mariah standing in front of the stove in their kitchen, Tessa put the camera down then walked up behind her, sliding her arms around her waist and propping her chin against her shoulder. Mariah put one hand on Tessa’s arm as she leaned back against her. Tessa reached one hand out to grab a bite of food in front of them, Mariah smacked her hand away.

The video cut to Tessa sitting on the ladder of the fire escape, looking up at the camera, she smiled then winked before the camera was placed on the stool in the corner, Mariah walked over to Tessa and kissed her, holding onto the railing with one hand as she pressed her back onto the ladder, one of Tessa’s arms sliding around her waist.

Next a still picture slowly filled the screen, Tessa and Mariah smiling, their arms around each other as Mariah held a bridal bouquet. The picture faded out, followed by the video of Mariah catching the bouquet after it had been tossed around, they both laughed softly and shrugged before kissing each other.

The video faded into their living room, Mariah was curled up on the couch, her eyes closed tight. The camera settled onto a table to face the couch before Tessa crossed into the frame, she got a green and red blanket out of the closet and carefully put it over Mariah, who only moved enough to pull the blanket tighter around her as Tessa kissed her head softly.

The next clip was a black and white security video from outside of Crimson Lights, they walked out of the coffee shop holding hands. Mariah shifted closer to Tessa and put her head against her shoulder, pulling the hand she held around her waist, Tessa leaned her head against hers as they walked out of frame.

Back in the apartment, Mariah was sitting on the couch, talking silently as the music continued. She blew a quick kiss to the camera then shook her head and held her hand out. She looked up to where Tessa was standing behind the camera and rolled her eyes, her hand still out and mouth closed as she tried to fight back a smile. The camera moved as Mariah took it and focused in on Tessa, who did a quick dance for the camera then laughed as Mariah held her hand out again, this time Tessa took it and let herself be pulled onto the couch, Mariah held her arm out in front of them and turned the camera towards them, her other arm around Tessa’s shoulders as Tessa put her head against Mariah’s shoulder.

The scene faded to inside Crimson Lights, Tessa looked down at her phone, holding onto Mariah’s hand from across the table as she scrolled on her phone with her thumb. Tessa shook her head, shrugging until she stopped scrolling and stared at her phone in disbelief. She released Mariah’s hand and put her phone on the table, smiling as she covered her eyes. Mariah quickly picked up the phone to look at it then turned the camera to the phone, showing Tessa’s name on the top 100 streamed artists of the week. Mariah put the camera on the table and walked around to hug Tessa, kissing the side of her head quickly and smiled widely as she whispered in her ear.

Next was a video of Tessa walking across an empty airport tarmac, sunglasses on and her guitar case over her shoulder. She turned her head to look at the camera, first raising her eyebrows then laughing before sticking her tongue out. She took the camera and turned it to Mariah, who stopped walking briefly before shaking her head and putting her hand over the lens.

A still picture of them at Chancellor Park faded in from the black, Mariah sitting next to Tessa, her leg hooked over one of Tessa’s and Tessa’s other leg crossed over hers as they smiled, that picture faded into a video of Tessa playing guitar on the park bench as Mariah sat close by, smiling as she watched her. 

The last video clip was back in their apartment, the couch pushed against the wall to make room as they slow danced in the small space, they both laughed as Tessa spun Mariah then pulled her back against her, wrapping both of her arms tight around her waist.

The final notes of the song played over a picture of them backstage at a concert, leaning on each other as they sat side by side on an equipment trunk, both of their eyes closed.

Tessa closed her laptop slowly as the video ended, leaning her head against the back of the couch.

\-------

Tessa glanced at the door as Mariah walked in. “Hey, I watched your video,” she said as Mariah took off her coat. “When did you have time to make that?”

Mariah shrugged. “I’ve been working on it for a few days, doing what I can when you were in the shower or asleep and I played around with it during my lunch break at work. My mom showed me that video of us outside of Crimson Lights, she saw it when she was going through last month’s footage, it was the last time we were there before…” she trailed off, shaking her head as she sat next to Tessa. “Anyway, I kind of stole it. I saw us walking and I thought about that line: give me somewhere to go, give me somewhere to be… so I put together some other videos and made that.”

“I didn’t think we took that many videos.”

“I told you, we were big on preserving memories for when you went back on tour, some of them were older. They were all on my computer or my phone, I wanted you to see them and I wanted you to hear our song properly, with you singing it. Not that Tanner didn’t do a good job singing it when I needed him to, but honestly he’s got nothing on you.” She shook her head quickly. “I know you said you wanted to start over and go slow, and I’m completely on board with that, I promise. I just wanted to see what you have to look forward to and, trust me, the real thing is so much better than watching a video.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every once in a while characters will get away from me while I'm writing and decide to change things on me and well... Mariah got away from me.

Tessa looked up at Mariah as she put a cup of coffee down in front of her before sitting across from her at a table at Crimson Lights, she took a sip of it then blinked. “This isn’t decaf.”

Mariah laughed softly and nodded. “Well, you doctor did say your concussion is better and I’m pretty sure if I tried to keep you off caffeine forever, you’d kill me in my sleep one night.”

“I wouldn’t do that,” Tessa told her, shaking her head. “Who would feed me?”

“Oh, is that all I’m good for?” Mariah asked with a laugh.

“Until I can use both my arms again, yes,” she teased.

“So in a few weeks I’ll be useless? Good to know.”

Tessa shrugged. “I guess you won’t be completely useless. After all, you do get me coffee.”

“And there’s no possible way you could do that yourself.”

“Nope.” Tessa grinned shaking her head. “So I guess I’m stuck with you.”

“Ladies,” Kyle said, walking up to the table before Mariah could respond. “How are my favorite girls doing?”

Mariah chuckled. “How’s Summer feel about that?”

“She doesn’t need to know,” he said, pulling a chair up to their table. “So I was thinking of throwing a movie night before the weather gets too cold.”

“Oh, are you trying to set us up again?” Tessa asked, taking a sip of her drink.

Kyle froze for a second then looked from Mariah to Tessa and back again. “Are you… does she… she remembers?”

“Yes and no,” Tessa told him.

“She remembers the movie we watched, not the rest of it, but I did tell her,” Mariah explained.

“You told her? That wasn’t part of the plan.”

Mariah’s eyes narrowed at Kyle. “The plan?” she repeated.

“You had a plan?” Tessa asked. “I want to hear about this plan.”

“There wasn’t a plan,” Mariah said, shaking her head.

“It was unspoken,” Kyle said with a shrug.

“You can’t have an unspoken plan,” Mariah told him. “Plans, by definition, need to be spoken and, you know, planned.”

“Fine, then I thought we had an understanding.”

“Impressive considering you understand nothing,” Mariah muttered.

“Anyway,” Kyle said, shooting Mariah a look. “Yes, I thought having a second first date might be good for you. For both of you.”

“That’s possibly very sweet,” Tessa told him. “And sorry to disappoint you but we’re on our first date. Right now.”

“Oh.” He smiled as he looked between them. “Well, good. Good for you. You didn’t awkwardly hoover around each other for a year this time.”

Mariah rolled her eyes at him then cleared her throat. “Yeah, so you can leave now.”

He nodded, still smiling. “I have to run to the office anyway,” he said as he stood up, pushing his chair back to the table he’d taken it from. “Have fun,” he whispered to Mariah before walking to the front counter.

Mariah shook her head then pushed her hair back with one hand, she glanced quickly behind her to make sure Kyle was out of earshot then turned back to Tessa. “So this is a date, huh?”

“Oh, that’s um… not if you don’t want it to be,” Tessa said with a frown. “I thought you wanted to so…”

“I do,” Mariah said quickly. “I do. I just didn’t realize that this was it.”

“Neither did I. I kind of just said that to get rid of Kyle and then… I don’t know, saying it felt good.”

Mariah laughed quickly. “This works actually, because neither of us called it a date back then, until we were here.”

“I know that date was kind of epic and I know this doesn’t compare. If you want to do that whole movie night thing…”

“No,” Mariah told her, reaching over to put a hand on her arm. “No. This is perfect, low pressure and exactly what I think we need. As far as epic goes, we have plenty of time for that.” She looked down at her hand as her thumb brushed against Tessa’s arm then let her hand slide onto the table. She bit her lip, looking down into her coffee as she pulled her hand into her lap.

“Something wrong?” Tessa asked, tilting her head to try to meet Mariah’s eyes.

Mariah shook her head, not looking up from her coffee. “No. No, nothing’s wrong. I just need to keep reminding myself not to get into your space.”

Tessa almost laughed. “We live in a 250 square foot apartment. When are we not in each other’s space? Besides, I figured out pretty quick that you’re a touchy-feely person.”

“Only with you though,” she admitted softly. “Maybe this is gonna be more complicated than we thought. Maybe you’re not the only one who needs time.”

Tessa’s eyebrows furrowed. “Okay,” she said slowly. “You just said nothing was wrong but…”

“It’s not you,” Mariah told her quickly. “I thought… I thought I could just push how I felt down until you were ready.” She let out a quick laugh and shook her head. “If you could remember how things were before we started dating, you would know how bad of an idea that was. I’ve never been able to ignore the way I feel about you.”

“No one said this was gonna be easy.”

“I know. Nothing ever has been with us, we always figured it out though.”

“You think we can’t figure this out?”

“We can,” Mariah said with a sigh. “Eventually. I hope. Until then, maybe it would be a good idea if I stayed with Sharon for a while.”

“You… what?” Tessa asked, shaking her head. “You want to move out? If this is about the air mattress, I told you a while ago I don’t mind letting you have the bed. You said it yourself, I’m doing better. There’s no reason you’re the one who needs to keep sleeping on the floor. We can switch off, every other night or… or something.”

“It’s not about the mattress. Like you said, we’re in each other’s space. I didn’t want to leave you before because… well, you know.”

“I’m fine with the way things are,” Tessa told her. When Mariah kept her eyes down, she released a quick breath. “Apparently you aren’t?” She quickly glanced around and shook her head. “Can we talk about this at home?”

“Yeah.” Mariah nodded, taking a long sip of her coffee before she stood up. “Let’s go.”

\-------

“I don’t think that should count as our first date anymore,” Tessa said as she and Mariah walked into the apartment. She took her jacket off and tossed it over the arm of the couch before she turned to look at Mariah, who kept her jacket on and her purse over her shoulder. “What, are you planning on running out of here already?”

“No,” Mariah said, shaking her head but not moving otherwise. 

“Okay, will you just explain to me what’s going on? One minute we’re on a date and you’re saying how great it is, then the next you decide to move out.” 

“I told you that I would give you time and take things slow. I don’t know if I can do that if we’re living together. I didn’t think about how hard starting to date you again would be.”

“So do you not want to or…”

“I want to,” Mariah said quickly. “When moved in together, we hadn’t been dating long but we were best friends for over a year, we were already in love. I guess I don’t know how to do this. Like I said earlier, I never could just ignore how I felt and I don’t want to do anything to mess things up or hurt you.”

“I can handle it,” Tessa said softly.

“I know you can. I just don’t if we can. That if I mess up, I don’t know if we could recover."

“From what you’ve told me, we’ve recovered from worse.”

“We have,” Mariah agreed. “Because we were in love with each other, so we made it work. I love you enough to make it work but you don’t love me like that. Not yet. I’m hoping one day that you will. I’m just trying to make everything a little less complicated.”

“By leaving? You don’t even like leaving me alone when you go to work,” Tessa muttered, sitting down on the couch.

“And you keep telling me you can take care of yourself, and you do. I know earlier you were joking about me making sure you get fed, but that actually is true and I know your arm will be better soon but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t learn to do things yourself. And that’s my fault because I’ve always just wanted to take care of you, to make whatever you were going through go away or at least make a little better but that might not be the best thing for you. Maybe I’ve been trying too hard. Or maybe I haven’t been trying hard enough, to actually help you. I don’t know.” She let out a breath and shook her head. “If you do need me, I’m just gonna be a text or phone call away.”

Tessa shook her head. “Yeah, fine. Whatever. It’s not like I’m not used to it. You’re not the first person to not want to be around me.”

“That isn’t…” Mariah started, shaking her head. “I’m not abandoning you. I’m not doing this because I don’t want to be with you.” She slowly moved to sit on the couch next to Tessa, who rolled her eyes and looked away from her. “I’m doing this because I want to be with you, for a long time.”

“You have a weird way of showing it. If you’re leaving, just go,” Tessa told her, sounding tired.

“Tessa, you know that I love you. I would do anything for you.”

“Including leave me. Yeah, I got it. Like I said, just go.”

Mariah nodded and slowly stood up. “I have some stuff at Sharon’s so… I’ll come back and get some things later.”

“Sorry you couldn’t just pack up and sneak out when I’m not here.”

“I wouldn’t do that,” Mariah told her softly. “I don’t want to do this, you know that right?”

“But you’re doing it anyway, aren’t you?” She got off the couch and walked to the door, opening it for Mariah. “Seriously, just go. I’m exhausted.”

“Are you okay?”

Tessa rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “I was doing great less than an hour ago.”

“Right,” Mariah muttered before she moved towards the door. “There’s leftovers in the fridge.”

“Great,” Tessa said, swinging the door shut after Mariah stepped into the hall. She shook her head as she walked away from the door. “Thanks a lot.”


	14. Chapter 14

_How are you doing?_

Tessa shook her head as she looked at the text from Mariah, the thread of similar questions, along with one _please talk to me_ on her phone. Her thumb hovered over the keyboard before she shook her head again and tossed her phone onto the couch cushions.

She let out a breath as she moved to the dressed and began pulling Mariah’s things out, throwing her clothes haphazardly into the suitcase opened on the floor. She opened a drawer, quickly sorting through her clothes to make sure none of Mariah’s things were in there. Her hand froze when she felt something hard hidden under shirts in the back corner.

She pulled it out of the drawer then blinked at the tiny black jewelry box in her hand. She stumbled backwards a few steps until the backs of her knees hit the arm of the couch, she sat down and slowly pushed the box open with her thumb, letting out a tiny gasp when she saw the diamond ring nestled inside, three stones with yellow gold accents on a white gold band. She snapped the box shut, holding it in her shaking hand, her eyes closed as she shook her head.

\------

“So she just left?” Crystal asked after Tessa told her what had happened with Mariah, the tablet propped on the table in front of the couch as they video chatted. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“I mean, I kind of kicked her out,” Tessa said with a shrug. “But that was after she’d already made up her mind to leave. I don’t even know why I’m here anymore. I should just let Mariah have the apartment and go be with you. I still can’t believe I just left you there.”

“You didn’t really have a choice at first. Then when you did, I was pretty settled here and you had made a life for yourself there. I don’t know Mariah that well, but you ended up staying there for her. That has to mean something, right?”

Tessa nodded slowly. “Yeah, I guess it does.” She let out a breath and picked up the jewelry box that was on the couch next to her, opening it then showing it to Crystal. “I think this means something too.”

Crystal’s eyes widened as she looked at the ring. “Whoa. Congratulations?”

Tessa shook her head, closing the box again and holding it in her hand. “I don’t know. I don’t know if this was serious or… or maybe I was holding it for someone,” she suggested.

“If you were holding it, they probably would have asked for it back by now, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, true. So I was… I had this. How did I get this? I mean, these are real diamonds, Crystal. Did I rob a jewelry store?”

Crystal laughed. “You’ve never been that stupid. I think you might have actually bought that, you made some pretty good money on tour with Tanner. Maybe you decided to use some of it on that.”

“So I was serious?” Tessa asked, letting out a quick breath. “I could be engaged. I could have been married. If that accident had happened later, I could have been married! Not some ‘I’m a little bit drunk and bored so let’s get married’ married, like really married. I literally woke up one day and had a girlfriend just sitting there, waiting for me. What if I had woken up with a wife?” She shook her head. “I’m still kinda getting used to the fact that I like chicks.”

“I think it’s more that you liked Mariah. Do you still like her?”

Tessa shrugged her shoulder. “Something about being with her felt right. Like, she can be kind of a pain in the ass sometimes but I actually don’t mind. She made me feel safe, like I was wanted. And she’s cute,” she added with a laugh. “I get why I fell for her.”

“I don’t think you fell,” Crystal told her. “From what you told me, it was more like a head on collision.” Crystal shook her head, her mouth falling open. “I can’t believe I just said that to you. I could have used any other analogy, I picked that one. I’m so sorry.”

“Nope, that one works. Mariah told me all about it, it was messy, people got hurt, there was a lot of damage. There are probably people who wish they couldn’t remember.” She laughed humorlessly and shrugged. “Lucky me.”

Crystal frowned slightly as she looked at her sister. “Are you okay?”

Tessa paused for a second then let out a breath. “No,” she said, shaking her head. “I don’t even recognize myself sometimes. Like, I see myself in these videos Mariah showed me and it’s me, I know it’s me, but it still seems like I’m looking at someone else. I have these feelings I’m not used to having and… everything’s just a mess. I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing.” 

“Have you told Mariah any of this?”

“What good would telling her do? She already left.”

“I know,” Crystal said softly. “I don’t know what I can say to make anything better.”

Tessa shrugged, shaking her head. “Nothing you can say or do, honestly. Unless you want to come here and hit me over the head with something and make my memory come back.”

“I’m pretty sure that only works on TV.”

\------

Mariah sat on her bed at Sharon’s house, looking down at her phone as she scrolled through pictures on her phone of her and Tessa: kissing on the fire escape, cuddled together on the couch in their apartment, their arms around each other at their anniversary party at Society, Tessa wearing a fluffy white robe as she sat on the bed in the room she’d gotten them at the Grand Phoenix after their anniversary. Mariah could almost hear Tessa’s soft “come here, you,” as she’d taken that photo. 

She continued scrolling through pictures, Tessa standing behind Mariah with her chin on her shoulder, then one taken immediately after as she kissed her neck. Then there were several pictures of Tessa on stage during soundcheck, followed by pictures taken from backstage during the concert. The next picture was Tessa sitting on Mariah’s bed at Sharon’s house, looking down at the notebook in her lap as she worked on a song.

Mariah looked up when there was a knock on the door, she released a quick breath and put her phone in her lap. “Yeah?” she called.

Sharon opened the door, peaking in before she stepped into the room. “Hey,” she said softly. “Rey went to pick up pizza. I told him to get extra olives for you.”

Mariah nodded. “Thanks, but not really hungry. Besides, Faith hates olives.”

“He knows. He’ll get half and half,” Sharon told her as she crossed the room to sit on the bed. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

Mariah shook her head. “Nothing happened. I needed to leave, so I left.”

“This isn’t like the other times you broke up. You’ve barely left your room. Sweetie, you’re worrying me.”

“I’m fine,” Mariah told her. “We didn’t break up. There was nothing to break.”

“Maybe not for her, but there was for you. Is that why it’s hurting you so much?”

Mariah shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe. I don’t know why I thought I could do it.”

“Because you can. It might take time but you two can figure this out. You know, I’m definitely not an expert on what Tessa’s going through but if you need someone to talk to, either of you or both of you, I’m always here for you.”

“You’re not exactly unbiased.”

“I know but I do love you and I want to help.”

“Thanks but she won’t even answer my texts, so I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want to talk to either of us.”

Sharon nodded and moved to sit next to Mariah to put an arm around her. “Give her time. She’s always come around, even in the early days, so just try to be patient. Let her come to you.”

“I know. It’s just hard to do.”

“I know,” Sharon said softly. “After everything we’ve all been through, I have to believe that it’ll work out in the end.”

Mariah closed her eyes and leaned against Sharon’s shoulder. “The next words out of your mouth better not be ‘everything happens for a reason’ because you’d have to justify everything that’s happened from the minute I was born so… don’t.”

“Okay, I won’t.” She kissed the top of Mariah’s head softly. “Rey’s going to be back soon. Are you sure you don’t want to eat?”

“I’ll be down in a minute.”

“Alright.” Sharon kissed her head once more before she got off the bed and left the room, leaving the door open.

Mariah looked down at her phone in her lap, she picked it up and looked at the picture of her and Tessa on her lock screen before she pushed the button on the side of her phone to blacken the screen, then put it face down on the bed before she got up to follow her mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a little bit too involved in the ring thing and forgot I actually had to write this chapter. Here's a picture of Mariah's ring for anyone curious https://i.ibb.co/X8H9GH7/mariahring.png  
> 


	15. Chapter 15

“Morning, sleepyhead,” Tessa said from the kitchen, looking at Mariah through the kitchen hatch in their apartment as she sat up, first looking at the crumpled sheets next to her on the pull-out mattress then to Tessa before she got out of bed and walked into the kitchen. She frowned she saw Tessa at the stove making breakfast, then rubbed her eyes when she noticed her left arm out of its sling.

“Dumb question,” Mariah said, running a hand through her hair. “How long have I been asleep?”

Tessa shrugged. “A few hours, I guess. I’m pretty sure you fell asleep after me. Why? What’s wrong?”

Mariah shook her head. “I don’t know.” She reached up to scratch her forehead, she ran her finger just below her hairline, where she’d gotten stitches. She swallowed hard when she felt the raised skin from her scar was gone. “You know what, can we just forget breakfast and go back to bed?”

“I like the sound of that,” Tessa said with a grin. She stepped towards Mariah to kiss her, Mariah quickly deepened the kiss, putting her hand on the back of Tessa’s neck to hold her close. “Liking it more and more,” she whispered with a chuckle.

Mariah sniffled quickly, resting her forehead against Tessa’s before she pulled back enough to look at her, moving her hand to her cheek.

“You okay?” Tessa asked softly. She put her hand over top of Mariah’s and turned her head to kiss her palm quickly. “You look like you’re about to cry.”

“I just… I love you, so much,” Mariah said, her voice breaking.

Tessa kissed her forehead quickly, where her scar had been. “Loving me is making you cry?”

Mariah chuckled softly and shook her head then put her arms tight around her. “I just want to be here with you as long as I can.”

“Well, you’re in luck because I’m not going anywhere.” She rubbed Mariah’s back gently. “Come on.” She slowly pulled away and took Mariah’s hand, leading her back to their bed. She laid down, waiting for Mariah to lay down next to her. “Do you want to talk about it? Did you have a bad dream?”

“It wasn’t a dream,” Mariah said softly.

“Whatever it was, I’m right here. It’s gonna be okay. Go back to sleep, maybe you’ll feel better after you wake up.”

“No. I can’t. I think if I go to sleep, this will all be over.”

“What do you mean? What will be? Mariah, what’s going on?”

Mariah shook her head again. “Can you do something for me?”

“Anything. Name it.”

Mariah sniffled quickly. “Tell me you love me.”

Tessa smiled, brushing Mariah’s hair away from her eyes. “You know I do.” She pressed her lips softly to Mariah’s forehead. “Just close your eyes, try to get some sleep.”

“Tess,” Mariah said softly, closing her eyes as she shook her head. “Can you please just say it?”

She opened her eyes again, she was alone in her bedroom at Sharon’s house, it was still dark outside the window. She sighed softly, turning onto her side to face the spot next to her, where Tessa had slept when they’d stayed overnight during Sharon’s cancer treatment.

She reached over, running her hand over the sheets that hadn’t been slept on in months before pulling what had been Tessa’s pillow against her.

\------

Tessa let out a groan as she struggled to open a sugar packet at Crimson Lights, then jumping as a voice behind her spoke. “Want some help with that?” She turned to see a young man standing behind her. “Sorry, you just look like you could use a hand. Literally,” he said.

“Thanks. I’m still trying to figure this thing out,” Tessa told him, motioning to her sling with her other hand as she stepped to the side so he could add the sugar before putting sugar into his own cup. “I’m Tessa.”

“Andrew. So, are you meeting somebody or are you interested in having coffee with a stranger?”

“You’re in luck, because pretty much everyone is a stranger to me.”

“New in town?” he asked as he picked up both cups and walked to a nearby table, he put Tessa’s coffee down in front of the seat across from his as he sat down.

“Something like that.” She let out a quick chuckle and shook her head. “Long story. How about you?”

“Just passing through. Looking for pretty girls with broken arms who need a knight in shining armor.” He shook his head. “That sounded creepy.”

She laughed softly. “Yeah and putting some sugar in a cup isn’t exactly fighting a dragon.”

Summer walked into the coffee shop, raising her eyebrows when she saw Tessa. Instead of going to the counter, she walked over to the table. “Why aren’t you answering your phone?” she asked, stopping next to Tessa.

Tessa looked up at Summer and blinked. “What?”

“Mariah’s been trying to get in touch with you, she’s running late,” Summer told her.

Tessa shook her head. “Mariah?”

“You know, Mariah. Your girlfriend,” Summer said pointedly.

“You have a girlfriend?” Andrew asked with a small smile.

“Yeah,” Summer told him as Tessa started to shake her head. “And you can wipe that stupid hoping-for-a-threesome grin off your face. It’s not happening. Who even are you?”

“Summer, this is Andrew,” Tessa muttered. “We just met. I was having trouble with the sugar.”

“Uh huh,” Summer said, nodding. “Cool. So, do you just scope out injured girls to hit on?”

“I was just helping her…” Andrew started to say.

“Of course you were,” Summer said, cutting him off. “I’ve got it from here, Andy, so you can go.” She crossed her arms as she waited.

“Got it,” he said, standing up. “It was uh… nice meeting you,” he muttered before walking away.

“What the hell was that?” Tessa asked, turning to Summer.

Summer shrugged as she sat down. “You’re welcome.”

Tessa shook her head. “For?”

“I hope I don’t need to tell you how stupid letting some strange guy chat you up is. You do realize this is Sharon’s coffee shop, right? Mariah’s mother. Thank god she’s not here but still, do you know how easily this could get back to Mariah?”

“I wasn’t doing anything.”

“Yeah, cause I came in when I did.”

“Mariah and I aren’t together, you had no right to tell him I have a girlfriend. We aren’t even speaking right now so…”

“Look, I don’t care what or who you do, okay? That’s your business but Mariah’s been through hell and back in the last year and hearing through town gossip that you were on a date with some dude, is the last thing she needs right now.”

“First of all, I’m doing anyone,” Tessa told her. “And I know what Mariah’s been through. Not that it matters, but I wasn’t on a date. I’m just trying to figure things out on my own right now.”

“Are you saying it wouldn’t have turned into a date?”

“I’m saying I wasn’t doing anything wrong.” Tessa let out a breath, shaking her head. “Can I tell you something?”

“If you have to.”

Tessa shook her head. “Honestly, I’m kind of freaking out. I just don’t know if I’m…” she trailed off and cleared her throat before she blurted, “I found an engagement ring the other day.”

Summer’s face didn’t change. “Really?” 

“You don’t sound surprised.”

She shrugged. “I’m not. It was kind of the natural next step. Honestly, I don’t know what took you that long. Do you know who bought it?”

“I’m pretty sure it was me cause if Mariah bought me that ring, she doesn’t know me as well as she says. It doesn’t exactly scream me,” Tessa told her with a laugh. “Plus, it was in my drawer.”

“Well, I wouldn’t put it past Mariah to leave something like that where you could easily find it, but I’m pretty sure if she had been planning to propose, she would have told Kyle and I would have found out about it by now.”

“I just can’t believe I actually wanted to get married, enough that I actually went out and got a ring. Everyone keeps telling me how crazy about each other we were, even her. Especially her. She promised she wouldn’t leave, even if my memory never came back, and then she did. We haven’t even spoken in days.”

“Look, I’m not gonna try to explain Mariah to you. I’m not in her head. All I know, is she had a reason. She’s obsessed with you, so if she left you, if she’s not speaking to you, she must think she’s doing the right thing.”

“I know, she does,” she whispered, closing her eyes.

“Do you miss her?”

Tessa let out a breath and pulled her hand through her hair. “Yeah,” she finally said.

“So what are you gonna do about it?”

“Nothing. The ball’s in her court. If she wants to come back, she can.”

“If you haven’t talked, maybe she doesn’t know you want her to,” Summer suggested. “While you try to figure it out though, maybe avoid going out with other people. Just a tip.”


	16. Chapter 16

Sharon opened her front door when there was a knock, raising her eyebrows when she saw Tessa standing on the front step. “Hey,” the younger woman said, fidgeting slightly. “Sorry for just showing up. I wasn’t…”

Sharon almost laughed, shaking her head. “There was a time you didn’t even knock.”

“Right,” Tessa muttered as she walked into the cottage. “Is Mariah here? We haven’t talked in a while and I…”

“Upstairs in her room,” Sharon told her, cutting her off. “Third door on the left.”

Tessa nodded and walked up the stairs then down the hall, until she reached the closed door. She knocked then waited for Mariah’s exhausted “come in.” 

Tessa opened the door, Mariah didn’t look up from the book she was reading as she sat on the bed. “Yeah?” she asked before she glanced up, doing a double take when she realized Tessa had walked into the room and quickly put down her book. “Hi,” she said, sitting up a bit straighter.

“Hey,” Tessa said with an uncomfortable chuckle. “I have to ask, why would you live in the apartment when you could live in this place?”

Mariah shrugged. “You,” she said simply.

“Right,” Tessa muttered, she looked down at her feet until Mariah spoke again.

“What are you doing here? I mean, I don’t mind, but you could have texted me. I would have met you somewhere.”

Tessa opened her mouth then closed it again before shaking her head. “Something happened,” she finally said.

“Are you okay?” Mariah asked quickly. “Did you… did you remember something or…”

“No. No, nothing like that.” She cleared her throat quickly. “I kind of met somebody.”

Mariah blinked silently and shook her head as if she couldn’t understand what Tessa had said. “Oh,” she finally whispered. “That was… quick.”

“It’s not serious. I just met him. I probably won’t ever see him again but…”

“Him,” Mariah muttered, not looking at Tessa.

“Yeah. Like I said, I probably won’t see him again, he said he was just passing through town. I just, you know, I didn’t want someone else to tell you.”

Mariah laughed humorlessly. “Great, thanks. Having you come here to tell me you’re moving on is so much better.”

“I’m not moving on. There was nothing for me to move on from. I mean, I wanted to give us a shot but you’re too busy avoiding me…”

Mariah shook her head, cutting her off. “I’m not avoiding you.”

“Then I guess the definition must have changed in the last few years because from what I remember, hiding and not texting someone is basically exactly what it means.”

“I’m not hiding. I texted you, you didn’t answer me, so I was trying to give you space.”

“Well, yeah, I was angry because you lied to me. You decided what would be best for me. I don’t know if that’s something we did, if I just let you make all my choices for me, but that’s basically what you’ve been doing since I woke up in the hospital.”

Mariah blinked, shaking her head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even realize I was doing that.” She shifted to sit up on the edge of her bed, looking up at Tessa. “I know you’re probably sick of me saying I was trying to help, but I was.”

“Yeah, I am,” Tessa said, smiling slightly.

“I guess I just have this pathologic need to control the uncontrollable. Maybe it was because growing up I had no control over anything in my life and now, I need to fix everything, even things that can’t be fixed.”

“Wanting to make people’s lives better isn’t a bad thing. Maybe make sure it’s something they actually want changed first,” Tessa suggested.

“Right.” Mariah laughed softly, quickly wiping a tear away from her cheek.

Tessa sat on the bed next to Mariah, reaching up to brush her hair away from her eyes.

“Don’t,” Mariah muttered, shaking her head as she turned away.

“Sorry.” Tessa let her hand fall back between them. “I don’t know… that was like instinct. You know, I never wanted you to move out.”

“I had to. It wasn’t about you, it was me. And it wasn’t sleeping on the floor that was the problem, it was not sleeping next to you. It was being with you, being around you constantly, and never being able to touch you. It would have just gotten harder if we started dating and now… sorry, I can’t be there to see you with some random person or watch you stumble home early in the morning. I don’t even want to think about that.”

“Look, I’m not gonna lie and say I didn’t like talking to someone who didn’t know more about me than I do and didn’t expect anything from me. But at the same time, being with someone who knows me so well was nice. You know, I think about those pictures and videos of us… I looked happy. Like, actually, legitimately happy. I mean, I wrote all these sappy love songs about you.”

Mariah laughed softly. “You did.”

“I do want to give this a shot,” Tessa told her, motioning between them. “But I need you to take it easy on me.”

“I promise, I will try. You need to take it easy on me too. We already talked about this, we both know this is going to be really hard and one of us, most likely me, is gonna screw up.”

Tessa nodded. “Are you gonna freak out on me and leave again?”

Mariah let out a quick breath. “Look, I was scared. Scared that I’d hurt you or that you’d hurt me or…” she trailed off and shook her head. “I’ve already almost lost you so many times, I couldn’t risk it happening again. I’m not moving back in though. I know it sounds counterproductive, I didn’t want to lose you so I left, but like I told you, it was the only way I think we’ll be able to handle this. But I think we need to take a few steps back and be friends.”

“Are you sure you can do that? Be just friends, I mean.”

“No,” Mariah told her with a quick laugh. “But I think it’s what we have to do.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while. Real life started kicking my ass (nothing to do with the virus that shall not be named) and finding time to sit down and write got really difficult. Things are finally calmer, I don't know if I can go back to the upload schedule I had but at least I can actually write now.  
> And you'll probably be able to tell that this chapter was written in ten minute increments over a month...

Tessa frowned slightly as when there was a knock on her apartment door, she opened the door, raising her eyebrows when she saw Mariah standing in the hallway. “Hey. What’s going on?”

“I got an idea and now that I’m here and you’re staring at me like that, I realize I should have called or texted or something.” Mariah let out a quick laugh and shrugged. “Do you have plans?” 

“You tell me.” Tessa stepped back to let Mariah in the apartment then closed the door behind her. “What’s your idea?”

“Movie night. You know, I thought we could just hang out and watch some movies, you missed some really great ones. I’m pretty sure we have popcorn,” she started to say before she shook her head and corrected herself. “You have popcorn, but I brought some just in case.” She held up the shopping bag in her hand. “What do you say?”

“What movies?”

“Horror, obviously. All the classics from the last four years. Bye Bye Man, Truth or Dare, Slender Man.”

Tessa frowned as she moved to sit on the couch. “Slender Man? That internet thing about guy with no face?”

“That’s the one.” Mariah handed the DVDs to Tessa, who looked at them and raised her eyebrows.

“These sound horrible.”

“Oh, they are. It and Get Out are for another night. There is one more, the crown jewel of the horror genre, Cats.”

“The musical?”

“That’s the one.”

“How is a musical about dancing cats a horror movie?”

“You just have to see it to believe it, trust me. You had nightmares.”

Tessa laughed, looking at the DVD box in her hand. “I have to admit, I’m intrigued.”

“It’s too bad though, I couldn’t get the butthole cut,” Mariah said before she walked to the kitchen to make popcorn.

“I’m sorry, the what?” Tessa asked, Mariah only laughed in response.

Mariah returned from the kitchen with a bowl filled with popcorn. “So, what first?”

“Well, it’s gotta be Cats.”

“Good choice. Start the night off on a high note.” Mariah put the popcorn on Tessa’s lap before she took the movies from her to put Cats in the DVD player, before sitting down next to her and pressing play on the remote.

\------

Tessa shifted slightly as she opened her eyes, groaning softly as she sat up straighter, first looking at the TV to see the movie they’d been watching had ended, then to Mariah, who had fallen asleep on her shoulder.

“Mariah, wake up,” she said softly. “We fell asleep.”

“Okay,” Mariah muttered, shifting so one arm came around Tessa’s stomach, falling into her lap.

“Mariah,” Tessa said again, raising and lowering her shoulder quickly to nudge her awake.

“What?” she asked before opening her eyes. She looked up at Tessa, who raised her eyebrows at her, then sat up, pushing her hair away out of her eyes. “Oh god. I’m so sorry.”

“For falling asleep?”

“Yeah. For… being kind of on top of you. What time is it?” she asked before checking her watch. “Wow, we really fell asleep. I should go.” She got off the couch and picked up the popcorn bowl from the table, taking it to the kitchen.

“You don’t have to,” Tessa told her. “We technically didn’t finish watching Slender Man.”

“Yeah, well, it’s late and you’ve seen morning me enough to know that the later I go to sleep, the harder it is to get me moving. My mom needs me to open Crimson Lights tomorrow.”

“You know you can crash here, right?”

Mariah nodded then shook her head. “We already gave the air compressor back to Nick and I don’t think I have the lung capacity to blow up the air mattress myself.”

“I wasn’t talking about the mattress. We’ve shared the bed before…”

“Once,” Mariah interrupted. “Since the accident, I’ve slept on the bed once and it was for a couple hours after you had a nightmare. I didn’t really sleep that night, honestly.” She shook her head. “Is there a reason you want me to stay?”

Tessa shrugged. “Is because I miss you a reason? I got used to you being around then you moved out and I hardly see you.”

Mariah smiled but shook her head. “I miss you too. You know how much I miss you. I don’t want to complicate things though and…”

“Mariah,” Tessa interrupted. “Kiss me.”

Mariah blinked at her. “Yeah, that definitely would complicate things.”

“I know you want to go back to where we were. The only way to do that is to…”

“To let it happen naturally, when we’re both ready,” Mariah finished. “We can’t rush this. I know you don’t know this, but I told you after we made up while you were on tour that if I touched you again, I’d never let you go. If I kiss you, I don’t know if I’d be able to stop. We agreed to be friends and it’s hard enough as it is without adding… that. I know, you probably didn’t expect me to say no but I can’t let myself go there unless I know we’re both in this.”

“What makes you think I’m not in?”

“Because you weren’t when I showed up here and I doubt the movies we watched changed things. Tessa, you have no idea how much I want this, how I’ve just been waiting, hoping, that you would say this to me. I don’t know if you think that if I leave, I’ll never come back or… or what, but I can’t stay out of your life. We’ve both tried that and it just doesn’t work. So, trust me, I’ll be around.”

“I’m not. I just… like I said, I miss you and I’ve been thinking about it.”

“Right,” Mariah whispered, nodding. “I definitely think I should go. Trust me, I do not want to.” 

“I get it,” Tessa muttered. “You’re right, we said we’d be friends.”

Mariah bit her lip then walked over to Tessa, leaning over to kiss her cheek. “Good night.”

“Night,” Tessa responded softly, watching Mariah as she left the apartment.


	18. Chapter 18

Mariah looked up at Kyle as he sat down across from her at Crimson Lights, putting a cup of coffee in front of her. “So explain this to me again,” he said. “Tessa said she wanted to kiss you.”

“Yeah,” she said, looking down at her coffee.

“And you ran out?”

“No. I left at a normal speed.”

He chuckled softly then shook his head. “Isn’t this what you wanted? I mean, it’s been almost two months.”

“Exactly. Two months and she almost went out with someone else and now she wants…” she trailed off and sighed, shaking her head. 

“She seems to want you. You asked me a while ago what I would do if this had happened to Summer. I would have kissed her.”

“How about if Summer spent two months having no idea if she was actually attracted to you? I mean, Tessa didn’t just want to go out with somebody, she wanted to go out with a guy. And I know, it’s about the person, not the parts, but what if she… wants different… parts now… that I don’t have?”

Kyle raised his eyebrows then laughed before he took a sip of his coffee. “I’m pretty sure she’d come around eventually, but just in case, there are… things you can purchase to simulate… that. Or so I’ve heard.”

Mariah blinked at him then shook her head. “Okay, I am not talking about this with you. And now I’m very aware of the fact that I haven’t had sex in two months, so thank you for that.”

“Technically you’re the one who brought it up. And you’ve gone longer than two months before.”

“This situation is a little bit different.”

“Again, seemed like you were about to get what you wanted and you turned away from it.”

Mariah sighed softly. “I just… if she rejected me, I couldn’t deal with it.”

“Tessa would not reject you.”

“She’s done it before. After our first kiss, as a matter of fact. Maybe you don’t remember…”

“Oh, I remember,” Kyle said, cutting her off. “All too well, but that was different. She asked you to kiss her this time. Normally doing something someone wants, generally makes the act well-received.”

“I wanted to. I wanted to go to her, to kiss her, to be with her and make every horrible thing we’ve been through go away. But what if it just made everything worse?”

Kyle glanced over Mariah’s shoulder, looking at the door and biting back a grin when he saw Tessa walk in. “What if you told her all of this instead of me?”

Mariah looked behind her to see Tessa as she approached the table. “Hey,” Tessa said, glancing quickly at Kyle before looking at Mariah. “Can we talk?”

“Of course,” Kyle said before Mariah could answer. “I was just leaving.” He stood, motioning for Tessa to take his seat, picking up his coffee before he walked away. Mariah let out a breath, looking over her shoulder at him as he left the coffee shop.

“Did I interrupt something important?” Tessa asked as she sat.

“Not really,” Mariah said, shaking her head as she turned back to Tessa. “We were kind of talking about you. Not that you’re not important,” she added quickly when Tessa raised her eyebrows. “It was about you and about how I’m a moron.”

“You’re not…” Tessa started but Mariah shook her head again.

“I am. I have been since the accident. Maybe I hit my head harder than I thought,” Mariah muttered. “Sorry, that wasn’t funny. I just… I don’t like not knowing how to act around you.”

“Why don’t you just act like you did before? I mean, we were friends once, right?”

“Technically, but there was always this pull towards you and I didn’t really know what it meant back then, but I always wanted to be around you. When I wasn’t, I felt like something was missing.”

“So I guess that’s changed?”

Mariah shook her head. “No, it hasn’t. Trust me, Sharon is sick of me wandering around the house like a moody teenager. Especially because she’s already got Faith, who actually is a teenager.” She let out a quick breath. “You know that I can’t just turn how I feel off. And I know I’ve been putting you through this constant come here/go away trip, but I’ve told you before, I’m scared. I’m scared of being with you, and of not being with you. I’m scared that it won’t be the same. I know you said that you’d been coming to terms with the whole liking girls thing while you were in the hospital, but it took you a really long time to get there before. Longer than a couple months.”

“I’m pretty sure I didn’t wake up with a girlfriend hovering over my hospital bed back then though.”

Mariah looked down as she shook her head again. “But you did know me, as more than the hovering, pain in the ass, girlfriend. You know, remember that thing you said about how I knew you better than you know yourself? I do, I know everything about you. I know if you breath differently and what it means. It’s like I just have to look at you and I know everything you’re feeling. Knowing someone like that is one of the best feelings in the world, even better if they know you like that too.”

“And I don’t know you like that,” Tessa said softly. “You know, I’m never going to if you keep running away from me.”

“Why does everyone keep saying that? I didn’t run away,” Mariah muttered under her breath. She shook her head when Tessa raised an eyebrow at her. “Okay, I guess I did a little bit. We talked about this, I don't know what I’m doing. I’m trying though.”

“Yeah, I know. I know you’re trying and I’m trying too, but there’s only so much I can do. You’re struggling, I get that, but I can’t meet you halfway. I can barely meet you a quarter of the way. I’m still trying to piece together the last three years of my life.”

“I’m so sorry,” Mariah said, closing her eyes. “I don’t know why I’m acting like this is happening to me when you’re the one who…” she trailed off. “I just keep thinking one day I’m gonna wake up and this will all be over, like it’s just a bad dream.”

“A dream that we’re both having and won’t stop?”

“Yeah.” Mariah nodded. “But then I think that it’s a miracle that you even woke up and that you were able to leave the hospital. You know, sometimes I think about what Devon went through when Hilary died and… and I don’t know what I would have done if you never woke up. I just… sometimes I need to remind myself to be grateful that we still have a chance. We do still have a chance, right?”

“We still have a chance.”


End file.
